You might be a Floridian if…
(italics are mine)
“Down South” means Key West (Or Cuba)
“Panhandling” means going to Pensacola.
You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
Flip-flops are everyday wear.
Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait, flip flops are good for church too
Socks are only for bowling
Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit
Tap water makes you vomit
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show’s “Grand Prize” is a trip to Florida.
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in
five minutes. (so very true)
All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level. (And they are garbage dumps…literally)
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,
but everything to do with shade. (Oh hell yes….)
Your winter coat is made of denim.
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer,
not summer but really hot, and Christmas.
It’s not “pop.” It’s “soda” or “coke.”
Anything under 70 is chilly.
You’ve hosted a hurricane party.
You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and Loxahatchee. (God help me, I do)
You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.
You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction. (And sometimes did not even notice)
Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the NRA and a confederate flag.
You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.
You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.
You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas. (Every time but once in 15 years)
You know what the “stingray shuffle” is and why it’s important!
You could swim before you could read.
You have to drive north to get to The South.
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005 (Wilma was a bitch).
You’ve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.
You dread lovebug season. (We just finished spitting them)
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances…but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and you hate them. (If it is called tourist season, How come we can’t hunt them?”
You know why flamingos are pink.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven’t.
Tornadoes/Tornado warnings don’t scare you, and you laugh when your friends from outside of Florida get scared by lightning.
You can catch a largemouth bass and a snook the same day in the same town.
If you’ve watched the sun rise off the east coast of Florida, then took a drive and saw it set off the west coast of Florida. (The Keys do not count)
If its ever rained in your front yard and not your backyard.
If you can find a Cuban flag and a Confederate flag on the same block.
You turn on your heat and air conditioning all in the same day