Please, spare me of your fake concern.

Few things can incite a revolution in South Florida like trying to cut alcohol consumption during a hurricane. Even though there are laws in place to ban the sell of booze during one, politicians know better than apply it since the only thing it will do would be to distract police resources and piss people off for no reason. If there is a place where chugging a beer while listening to the wind blow the roofs go hand in hand is Key West where hurricane parties are not only a tradition but a Conch Republic right.

And yes, shit happens to drunk people before, during and after hurricanes, but that is their problem. We had our very insignificant share of idiots who have decided to take a drunk drive while the winds are over 75 mph and disappear, only to be found a couple of years later in one of the many canals still wearing their vehicles. That is Darwin applied plain and simple. The majority of the partiers do so in secured locations be it be a home or the storm-reinforced bars that populate Monroe County so basically there is no problem.

Enter Craig Marston, division chief of emergency management and training at the Key West Fire Department. According to him, Key West People are too dumb to know what to do or to drink responsibly and wants to ban alcohol if a hurricane is headed that way because:

“We have to protect ourselves from ourselves,”

I am sorry Chief, who the blazes are you to issue such a condescending statement like that? Do me a favor and shut the hell up. We will call you only if and we need you. And you better be ready to answer to the calls and not engaged in creating social engineering plans for the better future of Eurasia.