Missy is a rescued cat that my wife and my mother got from the Humane Society of Broward County. She was a little nothing barely bigger than my hand when we got her, but apparently we feed pets rather well plus we suspect she has some Maine Coon in her because she has grown quite a bit in these last 5 years. Plus she is pampered as only cats can be.
Today I woke up around 3:30 am and decided to do some long overdue writing. Before I could do much, Your Highness Missy I demanded her share of foodstuffs. I complied faithfully, she ate and promptly disappeared to the couch for her pre-sleep nap. I was rewarded with two and a half hours of uninterrupted work time and was able to make progress in my article. Missy has one weird trait (among many others) that she does not say “meow” but “mee” which is proper to her royal “gimme-gimme” attitude. It is also quite annoying when you are trying to concentrate on something or sleep, two events happening in my home when she started her demands.
MIssy: Mee! Mee! (sounding ‘pretty please’)
Me: “For the love of God! I just fed you. Shush!
Missy: Meeeee! (demanding ‘pretty please’)
Me, “No and stop it. You had a full can of that Fancy Feast crap and a bowl of hard food.”
Missy: Meee! (sounding sad and hungry)
Mom: (from her room) Dale de comer a la gata! (Feed the cat)
Wife: (from her room) Feed the cat!
Me: She was fed…ya le di de comer!
Missy: Meeeeee! (You are lying! Mommy, Grammy he did not!)
Wife: Just feed her something before she wakes up everybody.
Me: You are awake, Mom is awake, I am awake. Who is left?
Missy: Meeeeeee! (Grammy, come save me!)
Mom: Yo le doy de comer (I’ll feed her)
Me: No Mama, yo le doy. (No Mom, I’ll do it.)
Missy: Meeeee! (Fool! you tried to ignore me but I have bested you!)
Me: I swear I am gonna give you a bath and shave your tail if you don’t stop.
Wife: No you won’t! Not if you wanna live in this house!
Mom: Que fue lo que dijo? (What did he say?)
Wife: (Translates my early threat to Spanish)
Mom: Si le haces daño a la gata, te mato! (If you harm the cat, I’ll kill you!)
Me: Si Mama (resigned)
Missy: Mee! (Well, what are you waiting?)Feed Me you poor vassal!
As much as sometimes she irks the living colon out of me, I can’t stay mad at her long. Even when I have to type this one handed because she is on top of my left hand, holding it like a teddy bear and purring like a finely tuned Ferrari. It is the purring that disarms us.
I am so screwed.