Dear Amy: My panties are twisted.

Horrified hoplophoe ask Advising hoplophobe for advice on Gun Nut. I could not help myself.

Dear Amy: When our family gets together for any holiday, my niece’s husband has to bring a gun with him.
He has a permit. He thinks his permit gives him permission to carry a loaded gun wherever he goes. He even takes it to church.

Maybe you should stop dating the twice convicted drug-dealing boyfriend of yours, or move from that crime infested neighborhood or maybe you niece’s husband is just exercising his right to carry a weapon. Yes even in church, God does not provide for Force Fields that keep bad guys away and, in case you have not heard there had been attacks on churches. Praying is fine but a well placed 9mm round is final.

I have requested that he leave the gun at home when coming to my house.
He says that if he cannot bring his gun, then his family won’t come to our home. There will be small children at the house, but he says it’s OK because his kids are fine with it. Should I let him bring the gun or tell them they need to stay home?

You gave him an ultimatum, he responded. That his response is not what you wanted to hear should not concern your pretty little ears. Maybe he is looking for an excuse not to go to your Thanksgiving Diner and share the traditional dose of E. Coli from undercooked turkey seeping in the Dollar Store stuffing. And when he said that his kids are fine with it, he meant the fact that the rest of the uneducated Crayon Gobblers will not represent a challenge for his kids and they will deal with them if the need arises. Do ask him to stay home, he will appreciate it more than a second serving of Basking Robbins Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream with Oreo chips, about the only edible thing in your household that day.

Amy says: I shared your letter with a spokesperson for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, who responded with this statistic: “A gun in any home is four times more likely to be used to kill or injure a loved one in an unintentional or accidental shooting than it is to be used for self-defense [bradycampaign.org].”

Which means “I am so brain dead that I went to Hoplophobia Central and they gave me a B.S. stat to back up by personal and unfounded fear of inanimate objects.”

This man may believe that he is somehow protecting his family, but by carrying a loaded gun he is placing them (and anyone else in the home) at risk. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 4,000 children and teens are wounded or killed in unintentional shootings every year.

Because, you know guns jump out of holsters and start shooting on their own. I saw a case like that in Dr. Phil this afternoon. And to make myself sound even more thoughtful, I am giving you a statistic from the CDC that does not tell you about how most those precious kids got shot while dealing dope or engaging in gang business like your newphew Bobby Jamal Perez.

Your niece’s husband may have a legal right to carry his gun, but you also have a right to maintain a weapons-free household.

But you do not have the right to tell people how to live their lives. If being unsafe is your option, fine just don’t expect everybody else to do the lemming marathon.

PS: Now I know that your niece was awarded the brains in the family. She married the right guy.

 

12 Replies to “Dear Amy: My panties are twisted.”

  1. “This man may believe that he is somehow protecting his family, but by carrying a loaded gun he is placing them (and anyone else in the home) at risk. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 4,000 children and teens are wounded or killed in unintentional shootings every year.”

    Yeah because guns are a contagion just like Ebola or something right? Hell, even a disease is acting on it’s own in a sense, but guns don’t. I’m honestly amazed that anyone believes that line of BS.




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    1. I Would love to know how many of the “4000” are by children who have proper firearms safety training, and how many are kids parents who have a gun in the sock draw for “protection”.




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  2. before I go over there and read the stupid commentary.. PLEASE tell me that you…oh never mind your asleep…I’ll just go read the commentary and hope. 🙂




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    1. Sigh there WAS no commentary. how sad. I think a cut and paste of your entire response would draw an even more entertaining response.




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  3. I’m gonna go lay down somewhere, and just cry. Just….just….

    (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻




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    1. Sorry, I’ll put it back, sorry for the coffee stain…and your coffee machine.

      ┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ)




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  4. Amy obviously was shopping for the answer she liked the most.

    This would be like somebody asking for proper etiquette for when Cousin Al brings his black girlfriend to Thanksgiving: “OH I forwarded your question to the Grand Dragon of the Klu Klux Klan, and Jethro says Blacks really aren’t people so you should hang the young lady!”

    Think that’s a harsh comparison, ask anybody with Joyce or Brady stationary to name an unreasonable gun law, or a reasonable time or place to use or carry a gun.

    The answer will be identical to asking the man wearing the bed sheet and holding a torch to name an admirable person of African Descent.




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  5. Damn, I was going to write my reply pretty much doing the same shtick.

    “My niece’s husband is black, so I asked the local KKK who said, according to federal records, blacks are 200% as likely to commit crime!”

    Although you gotta chuckle that they’ve gone from 42 times as likely down to 4! I guess they got tired of getting called out on the lie and figured they could get away with a smaller fib.




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