– I do this every time I am forced to go to Mass Laboratory Franchise to get my blood work done: When you head out and are about to hit the lobby full of people, grasp your arm where the blood was drawn. As you walk through the lobby, be sure to have a face full of pain and mutter some words about “being stuck like a pig” “Lord this hurts so effing much” or words to that effect. Enjoy the faces of sheer panic that develop amongst the waiting patients.
– If you are standing in line or in a crowd that has no concept of personal space, it is time to bring out your split personality. Have a muted yet entertaining conversation with your other self and let it develop into an argument.
– At the ’10 items or less’ fast checkout lane in a supermarket if you are right behind the idiot with 64 items in the cart: count every beep of the scanner loudly. Math-challenged shopper will usually turn several shades of red or get upset. Either way it is fun to watch.
– At Mass: When doing the Sign of the Cross, instead of saying “In the Name Of The Father….” go “Glasses, Nuts, Wallet & Gun.” Not only you will suddenly have more space but the collection plate will not be anywhere around you.
– Apparently it is bad form to light a cigarette with a Paschal candle but the gasps from the congregation will be phenomenal. (I am officially banned from a church for pulling this stunt. Double points for being during a baptism in which I was the godfather. And yes, you can call me Don Miguel.)