The rise of the Fat Angry Bitch: An apology from Fat People everywhere.
The videos and GIFs of Cora Segal (A.K.A. Trigglypuff) are going around social media like crazy. If you don’t know much about this new species of Campus Butt-hurt, I ask you to take a couple of minutes and go read this great post at The Liberty Zone and then come back.
Chubby people has a long standing tradition of bonhomie and acceptance of everybody. From Saint Nick to John Candy, Fat people are beloved because we see the good things both in life and in people. Top Fat Boy in history? Good Old Buddha who is always represented with a smile on his face and full of wisdom. Yes, there has been fat assholes in history: Nero is reputed to be in the chunky side, Reichsminister of Aviation Hermann Göring was a Nazi prick and the North Korean Kims are certainly murdering jackasses. And our fav fat asshole of all times in the Gun Rights movement is Michael Moore, need I say more?
What about rotund women? You need not to go farther than every plump grandmother, full of love and good food who no matter how bad you screw up, she is ever-understanding and forgiving. Ask women anywhere and they will tell you that their best confidant and friend packs some extra pounds and she is the one that has the biggest shoulders and can make a tissue box appear from nowhere alongside the tub of ice cream when the heart is broken and needs mending.
We thought Rosie O’Donnell was and statistic anomaly. She has been the official Nasty Fat Broad, so full of hate that even her daughter despises her with a flavor not seen since Joan Crawford’d kids. But we also have seen the rise of Amy Schummer in acting/political hack, Melissa McCarthty as just unlimited mean actress and a couple of others that escape my mind now. Cora Segal is the uncared child left to roam the wilds of academia of her own and as we have seen, acts like a feral pig at a roadside watermelon stand.
Dear Trigglypuff, you make me sad because Fat people are stronger and more balanced that. You are against “body-shaming” when that has been our source of strength for centuries. We all survived the idiots poking fun at us and the bullying by the less illuminated… till we figured the laws of physics and that a lot of mass moving at speed impacting against a lower mass and forcing it into the unmovable object tends to end conflagrations rather quick. Some mean person tell us we are fat and we laugh and retort that there is more to love about us. We have a bigger humorous gravitational force and that is why people gather around us at parties and reunions. We have taken time to stop and smell the roses (instead of constantly running and spending time in the gym) so we have stories to tell for children an adults. It is gonna be the fat uncle or aunt sitting on the ground surrounded by kids, playing with them and not caring if our butts get wet. You don’t go to the crazy Crossfit addict for counsel, nobody does. He will only tell you to suck it up and flip the tractor tire. You go to a Vito Corleone or a Winston Churchill. We have the wisdom, the smarts and the love for our fellow human beings. Hurting words do not hurt, they just bounce off our generous adipose layer, our fatty armor. Learn to use it, you will live longer. Stop being an angry, useless bitch.
I had to add the best Fat Friendly move ever: The Replacements.
January 20, 2017
January 20, 2017
January 20, 2017