Reality, Straight Up, No Chaser

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Mother Nature is a mean bitch.  In the wilderness, if you are not screwing, killing, or eating something; something is screwing, killing, or eating you.  There is no middle ground.  I don’t care how many Disney movies you watched.  When it comes to wild animals, if you forget that you are part of the food chain for even a second, you will be reminded of that fact by being mauled to death and turned into shit.

Commune with the bears in Alaska, end up as bear poop in the woods.

Forget that your pet Chimp is a wild animal and not just a TV prop, and it will turn your neighbors face and hands into monkey shit.

Take you kids for a nice day at the zoo and watch as a male chimp kills and eats a baby chimp in the chimp enclosure, because he was bored.

Sure, Harambe looked like he was protecting that boy.  That would have been until he decided that he was tired of his little human play thing and turned the boy’s skull into paste to remind the rest of the human population that he’s still an aggressive wild animal.

Just watch this video of a 400 lbs male gorilla at an undisclosed zoo had a mother nature moment.

When it comes to dangerous human/animal interactions, Robert Muldoon was right.

Personally I’m not going to throw too much animus at the mom either.  I just took my two-year-old to Miami and back by airplane twice in the last two weeks.  After that boy had been strapped into an airplane seat against his will for three hours, the second we let him out he became a gas molecule, bouncing all over the place.  You can only have a little kid tied down in a stroller or leashed for so long before he melts down into a screaming pile of “no” and “mine.”  We’d let him walk to stretch his legs during the layover, but if we let go of his hand for a second to check our boarding passes or grab his sippy cup out of the diaper bag and he was off like a shot running.  There were a couple of hard sprints to catch up with the boy, who just two seconds before was standing nicely drinking his juice and then decided he wanted to be four gates down from ours to watch a plane taxi in.  Anybody who thinks a mom can have both eyes and one hand on a little kid every second, especially in a place like a zoo where there are so many things to see, doesn’t have kids.

Shoot the gorilla.  Save the kid.  Let the animal rights activists  who think that this killing was unnecessary take their kids to Uganda where chimps have been known to kill and eat the children of local villages, and the locals have to hunt man eating chimpanzees.

The only question left open for me is: what caliber for gorilla?

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. what caliber for gorilla?

    Probably nothing smaller than a 308. Personally, I’d go with w 300 mag.

  2. What caliber? Obviously a the only right answer is .45 ACP!

    /sarc

  3. A rifle caliber that starts with a 4 would probably be appropriate there…or at very least a .375.

  4. Same caliber I use for anything over 200 pounds, Pinky. .45-70 Government.

    I need to get my hands on a 4-bore.

  5. Rumor I heard (I’m local to the Cincinnati area) was that it was a .458 Win Mag.

    I was wondering what people’s reaction would have been to an adult male human dragging a 4 year old child around like that? I suspect they would not have been as sympathetic.

  6. The rule of thumb I’d always heard was “If it weighs more than half what you do, it can kill you” regarding animals. There’s a reason we live in nice, safe houses generally away from the majority of nature. Nature will murder the crap out of you given half a chance, whether it’s hungry animals or beating you to death with your own house.

    Personally I’d go for something that comes in nice big boxes for gorilla, probably treat 5.56×45 or 7.62×39 as minimum, much like for bear (It works, delivered in bulk). .308 seems like a nice balance of power and plurality for a critter you want to drop quick, sent via something semi-auto.

    • Reltney McFee : June 3, 2016 at 10:26 am

      “Personally I’d go for something that comes in nice big boxes for gorilla, probably treat 5.56×45 or 7.62×39 as minimum, much like for bear (It works, delivered in bulk). .308 seems like a nice balance of power and plurality for a critter you want to drop quick, sent via something semi-auto.”

      Oh, Seige, thank you! I purely laughed out loud! “big boxes”! “Delivered in bulk”! “Power and plurality”! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Kinda my opinion regarding repelling boarders, should I have a particularly awfully unlucky day.

Feel free to express your opinions. Trolling, overly cussing and Internet Commandos will not be tolerated .

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