Peak New York

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You know what, I agree with the Left.  The Electoral College is a totally unfair system.  The problem is not that America is held hostage by the flyover states, nope.

Middle America has been shackled to a bunch of out-of-touch morons from the Big Apple for too long.  These people live in a bubble that is so thick and so off in fucking la-la-land that nothing that goes on in their heads makes any sense to the rest of America.  I am convinced that Men In Black is real and that the majority of NYC is now aliens.

Here is my proof:

A deer managed to make its home in Jackie Robinson Park in Harlem.  The deer had been living there for a few weeks and then started to wander out onto the street and the city decided it was a nuisance that had to go.  The deer became embroiled in a political squabble between the Governor of New York and the Mayor of New York City.  No bullshit.  The mayor wanted the deer captured and euthanized and the governor wanted it relocated up state.  While the infighting occurred, the deer died.  The city is now paying to have the deer cremated.

That is the New York City perspective  on this story.

Here is the flyover state perspective on this story.

New Yorkers are fucking crazy.  Deer aren’t just nuisance animals, they are giant raccoons on hooves.  They eat out of garbage cans, your garden, and if you own farmland, your cash crop.  Worse, there are far too many of them and they wander out onto the highway where they get hit by cars and cause hundreds of deaths and cost billions of dollars per year in vehicle accidents.

The only good thing about deer is how they taste.  Once you get out of the city, they are everywhere.  I lived in the Southwest Suburbs of Chicago and we had deer in our back yard.  For most of the country, deer barely qualify as wildlife.  Anything that makes you get out of bed at 2:00 am because the dogs are barking at it in the yard ins’t the majesty of nature.  Deer, possum, whatever…

Not in New York. The deer was “beloved.”  These people are so urbanized that a deer wanders into a city park and they think it’s a safari.  Seriously.  Look at these assholes taking pictures of this deer like it’s the last white rhino.

This dipshit was interviewed by the local news because he was trying to feed it apples.

Speaking of the news, the story of a deer in Harlem was covered by CNN, Yahoo News,  The Washington Post, USA Today, New York Daily News, Business Insider, The Village Voice, a listicle from Heavy, and just about every local NYC news station.

Let me be clear about this, for the Americans who live in the great, uncultured wasteland between NYC and San Francisco the only way to cremate a deer is over a pile of Kingsford briquettes, the only thing a newspaper has to do with a deer is using the newspaper so light the briquettes, and the only controversy involving deer is dry rub or marinade.

The Indiana, South Dakota, Nebraska, and Alabama in me is screaming “They wasted tax payer money to capture and kill a deer?  I have a buddy that would have been happy to make that deer disappear with a compound bow.  Hell, he could have even donated the meat to a homeless shelter.”

It’s not a beloved bit of wildlife that died a martyr like Harambe (that is a serious OpEd, I’m not kidding), it’s 25 lbs of unprocessed sausage and a dog chew on four legs.

This story is an epic monument to just how out of touch New Yorkers are.

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Comments

  1. Personally, I’m sure Harambe can rest easy now, knowing that Hillary won’t be president.

  2. “It’s not a beloved bit of wildlife that died a martyr like Harambe…”

    To be fair, there were probably a lot of dicks out in that park.

  3. I suppose the one benefit of the balkanization of America is that people in places like NYC might develop enough of an aversion to those of us living in upstate NY and the rest of flyover country, that they opt to never venture out into the areas we live.

    You’re right, NYC residents. It’s the best place ever! It’s so awesome, you should never leave. For any reason.

  4. You should see if there’s a study or find articles showing just how oblivious or stupid urban/liberals/peta folks are when it comes to animals. Like if a coyote was in the city I suspect many of them would be like “aww what a cute doggy can we keep certain”(gotta be gender neutral you know)

  5. Well said. Another mid-west transplant.

Feel free to express your opinions. Trolling, overly cussing and Internet Commandos will not be tolerated .

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