You might be a Floridian if…

You might be a Floridian if…

(italics are mine)

“Down South” means Key West (Or Cuba)

“Panhandling” means going to Pensacola.

You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.

Flip-flops are everyday wear.

Shoes are for business meetings and church.

No, wait, flip flops are good for church too

Socks are only for bowling

Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit

Tap water makes you vomit

Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

You smirk when a game show’s “Grand Prize” is a trip to Florida.

You measure distance in minutes.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in
five minutes. (so very true)

All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.  (And they are garbage dumps…literally)

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,
but everything to do with shade. (Oh hell yes….)

Your winter coat is made of denim.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer,
not summer but really hot, and Christmas.

It’s not “pop.” It’s “soda” or “coke.”

Anything under 70 is chilly.

You’ve hosted a hurricane party.

You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.

You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.

You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and Loxahatchee. (God help me, I do)

You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.

You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction. (And sometimes did not even notice)

Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the NRA and a confederate flag.

You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.

You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.

You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas. (Every time but once in 15 years)

You know what the “stingray shuffle” is and why it’s important!

You could swim before you could read.

You have to drive north to get to The South.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005 (Wilma was a bitch).

You’ve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.

You dread lovebug season. (We just finished spitting them)

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances…but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

You know what a snowbird is and you hate them. (If it is called tourist season, How come we can’t hunt them?”

You know why flamingos are pink.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven’t.

Tornadoes/Tornado warnings don’t scare you, and you laugh when your friends from outside of Florida get scared by lightning.

You can catch a largemouth bass and a snook the same day in the same town.

If you’ve watched the sun rise off the east coast of Florida, then took a drive and saw it set off the west coast of Florida. (The Keys do not count)

If its ever rained in your front yard and not your backyard.

If you can find a Cuban flag and a Confederate flag on the same block.

You turn on your heat and air conditioning all in the same day

Florida be like

What is a Gun Free Zone? The suspension of logic.

A Gun Free Zone is a bad contract issued between yourself and some other entity in which you agree to forgo any attempt to defend yourself while in the area defined by this “contract” while the other side will not provide you with a decent system to protect you in case of trouble. If you were to have the means to protect yourself while in a Gun Free Zone, you will be prosecuted and probably found guilty of breaching the original agreement. A Gun Free Zone could be a school, a post office, a county, a state or the whole country. It is an ever expanding concept which promises the moon over starry eyes.

Let’s make it simpler: You body has what it is called an immune system. This is an integrated body system of organs, tissues, cells, and cell products such as antibodies that differentiates self from nonself and neutralizes potentially pathogenic organisms or substances. Basically it is an armory dedicated to fight things that might kill you such as bacteria, microbes, virus, parasites, etc. Some people either by sickness (Like AIDS), by treatment (Radiation therapy) or by genetics (Primary immunodeficiencies, think The Boy in the Bubble) lack this defensive system which makes them prone to infections and death. Your body has an array of amazing weapons: White Cells, T-Cells, Lymphocytes, B-Lymphocytes and a whole slew of guns and ammo dedicated  to protect you. Any living organism that wants to hurt you, will face no mercy from these weapons. And of course, we have antibiotics and other medications which we take to help our body combat these invaders. Basically we pull no punches when our body is threatened with sicknesses.

Now, your family doctor or the Secretary of Health and Human Services comes to you and tells you must give up your immune system and that it would make us all safe by doing so. They would promise that the best doctors would be roaming the streets just one phone call away in case you develop an emergency such a a cold or a cut that might need to be treated. Or if you wish, you just could go to a local hospital and file a complain about the infection and wait to be treated for that ferocious tetanus that attacked you and let the wheels of Medical Gov take your case. And by the way, you will have no say on the issue of countering an infection because we will make it against the law for you to have immune system. Possession of White Cells or any other body component aimed to defeat dangerous microorganisms without the proper and state-given authorization will be harshly punished.  Oh! And by the way, I must inform you that the Supreme Court determined that We The Government have No Duty to Treat You so you cannot sue us or penalize us in any way in case of sickness or death.

Sounds absolutely stupid and downright absurd, right? Yet we are asked to give up our guns in order to be “safe” under the care of the Government but without any guarantee of security at all. We are told we must shed our means to fight against a criminal if we are in these areas just because a group of lawmakers decided we are better off following a law that no criminal or deranged individual must follow. And yet many people think this is a good and logical thing!

The Left’s breathless wish: Waiting for The New McVeigh.

“I’ve come to believe he needs a certain level of violence in this country. He is willing to accept a certain level of killing to further his political agenda. The vice president, too. How else can you explain this dishonesty we get out of the administration?”
Wayne LaPierre about President Clinton.
appearing on ABC’s “This Week,” March 12, 2000.

You can hear them giggling like schoolgirls and praying to their less-than-divine superior entities.  “Dear Gaia, there must be a McVeigh out there. We need him to blow something up and get lots of people killed so we can destroy them Teabaggers, Threepercenters, Gun Owners and the rest of Conservative morons.” Yet nothing has happened and they grow restless.

There are some taking action to badmouth the Tea Party and make anybody that sympathizes with them feel threatened or guilty. Attacks by thugs against Tea Party protesters, Health Care Challengers, caravans and even other union members that disagree have happened but sparsely since it is too risky; you see, those bigoted Teabaggers may actually carry guns and may be able to defend themselves against the legitimate mobsters of the Left. And if that is not bad enough, there are people with those damned video cameras taping everything and uploading it to Youtube (There ought to be a law, right?) Some want to try a “softer” approach by infiltrating Tea Party Rallies and display racist or threatening banners and behaving like the Left’s idea of Conservatives.

But in their heart of hearts what the desperately wish is another Timothy McVeigh so they can bring the full force of the traditional media against us. They don’t see the life of innocents as a sacred value if political brownie points can be made. The dust had not yet settled from the Murrah Building when the Clinton Administration blamed Talk Radio and the NRA not because they were guilty in any shape or form, but because it was politically convenient to assign them the blame. Time and again the Left will do a danse macabre, pour ash over their heads and torn their clothes over the corpses of victims they created in order to gain sympathy for their cause and to slam the opposition. Columbine, Virginia Tech and any of the m assacres in Gun Free Zones are bright examples of this bloody theatrics.

So be ready when something big and terroristic happens. It might be Bin Laden blowing a elementary school full of children, but it will be the Tea Party and the Conservatives that will get the blame. Remember, these are the same idiots that said it was America’s fault that 9-11 happened and some even went on saying we deserve it. Tin Foil Hat? About a year ago, I’d agree with you that it would be stupid and loony to think like this, now I am not so sure. A friend of mine commented years ago that the scene from Schindler’s List that stayed with him was when the Jews were herded into the Ghetto, they were hungry, miserable and cold. A group was around a fire in a 55 gallon barrel and one of the comments was along the lines of  “Well, this is as bad as it gets” … and it is well know it got worst.