The best laugh you will have today: INVADE THE USA!

Fuck these flag-waving, God-loving psychopaths. It’s time for the rest of the world to get a great, big army together and attack the US. We need boots on the ground on the White House lawns. If they can’t look after their own economy, we need to invade and look after it for them. So let’s fucking get them!

via We Asked a Military Expert if All the World’s Armies Could Shut Down the US | VICE.

Oscar Rickett, the author of that piece, looks all of 16 years old and must spend an inordinate amount of time with his XBox playing war games. He interviews Dylan Lehrke who is a Jane’s Armed Forces Analyst. The answer does not make Oscar happy….but that usually happens when Real Life comes crashing down on your juvenile fantasies.

“However, one still does not conquer the soil. So we arrive at the same conclusion: as the world military balance stands today, even in the unlikely case that the entire world aligns against them, the United States could not be conquered. It can only be defeated. I suspect you had hoped for a more Red Dawn-type possibility but I can’t offer one without stretching reality beyond the point of reason. We would have to bring in pure science fiction to make it feasible.

BTW, Mr. Lehrke did not take in consideration that half the small arms in the world are in the hands of US Citizens. So even if the managed to ship everybody and their mother over here for an invasion, the ratio would be 1:1. Military doctrine long knows that you other need a VERY powerful armed forces working in perfect synchronicity and total surprise or you better have a 7:1 or a 10:1 ratio in your favor to win the ground fights against entrenched enemies.

So basically, every gun owner would only have to shoot once at a funky uniform or a blue helmet.

10 thoughts on “The best laugh you will have today: INVADE THE USA!”

  1. Reminds me of the story of the Swiss during WW2. (very paraphrased and not sure of the validity of the story at all… could be urban/gunny legend) Supposedly a German officer was talking with a Swiss official about the defenses of Switzerland. The Swiss mentioned their 500,000 man citizen “militia” and how they’d come to assist the army. The German said, “what if we come with a million troops though?” The response: “then everyone will shoot twice and go home.”

  2. I’m confused, why do these goofballs want to invade in the first place? The US constitution requires that our debtors be paid first, so they shouldn’t have to worry about a default, and second, if they were worried about a default, do you think we’re gonna pay if invaded?

  3. “…you better have a 7:1 or a 10:1 ratio in your favor to win the ground fights against entrenched enemies.”

    Not just ‘entrenched’… you also have to factor in the ‘homefield advantage’ (KNOWING the terrain), and the whole “Oh HELL NO you didn’t just invade MY HOME!” motivation.

    1. As apocryphal as the Swiss story, but when the subject of invading the USA was broached, Yamamoto is reputed to have said, “There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass.”

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