I am sick of Iowa.  I am sick of the caucuses.  It is February 1st, and I am sick of the 2016 election cycle.

I propose a new system: Presidential Hunger Games.   All the candidates, Republican and Democrat, will be dropped into an arena to face nature and each other in fight to the death for the Oval Office.  Deployment to the arena will occur on the first Tuesday in November, and the last one alive wins.  If there is more than one candidate alive by the first Tuesday in January, a general election will be held on the following Tuesday to pick the winner.

Campaign contributions to candidates will be in the form of supplies of food, water, survival equipment, and melee weapons.  You can donate whatever you want, but a candidate can only eat and carry so much, rendering huge donations by a moneyed elite and big business pretty much obsolete.

I know, I know, this isn’t very democratic.  I think the last few elections, however, have shown that Americans, by and large, can’t handle democracy.  Being a responsible and educated electorate is just too difficult in an era where know-nothing reality TV stars are the primary source that many American’s get their political opinions from.

Like H.L. Mencken said: “When a candidate for public office faces the voters he does not face men of sense; he faces a mob of men whose chief distinguishing mark is the fact that they are quite incapable of weighing ideas, or even of comprehending any save the most elemental — men whose whole thinking is done in terms of emotion, and whose dominant emotion is dread of what they cannot understand.  So confronted, the candidate must either bark with the pack or be lost… All the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre — the man who can most adeptly disperse the notion that his mind is a virtual vacuum. The Presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

If we work hard, we might be able to get this Amendment ratified in time to affect the 2016 election.  Then I propose we make this year’s arena in somewhere in the middle of the Serengeti.  Nothing would make me happier than to watch Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump get turned into Hyena shit on national television.

Or maybe I’m just feeling bitter.


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By J. Kb

14 thoughts on “28th Amendment”
  1. There’s no reason that anyone should keep on using the same states in the same order over and over again.
    I suggest:
    1- The order of primaries shall be determined by a public (as in on a stage, with cameras rolling) drawing.
    2- If a state is selected in the top ten, it shall not be allowed to be selected in the top ten for another ten years. This prevents the same states coming up early in the process over and over again.
    3- Election fraud is punishable by death.

    The idea is to keep candidates from just campaigning in the same few states and ignoring the rest. They’re supposed toe be the President of all the States, not just the ethanol-producing ones and the ones on Super Tuesday.

    The last rule, of course, is to insure that no Democrat ever wins another office ever again.

  2. Now that the gun grabbing O’Malley dropped out, the Democrats are down to a criminal and a Communist. And the average age of the candidates is up to 71 years old.

    This is the face of the Modern Democrat Party.

  3. Unfortunately, the electoral and political systems have become a system whereby we are forced to pick the candidate that sucks less than the rest. No two ways about it, this is our fate. Also rather unfortunately, the citizen mass that keeps demanding this inane governance is only getting dumber. My facebook, rife with my high-school classmates, is excellent demonstration that even as my generation ages, it is not improving. It may actually be getting worse.

    God help us, we few who give a damn and understand the actual problem, because the idiots have done their level best to remove Natural Selection from society and thus prevent the stupid from departing the gene pool.

  4. “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”
    Winston Churchill

    ’nuff said.

  5. I come on here and the 1st post is about what guns you’d carry in a fantasy land of super heroes, and the 3rd one literally states that you don’t want democracy any more, that it should be decided by violence.

    It’s like you’re trying to feed the opposition reasons to declare your opinions meaningless. Even I wouldn’t disagree with them too quickly if they did so after reading those 2 posts.

  6. 1) So you never played the “if you could only have X number of guns during a zombie apocalypse, what would they be” game? Sci-fi has always given us the ability to discuss issues in new ways. So many episodes of The Twilight Zone were criticisms of the Cold War, socialism, and segregation. My post was pondered just how powerful a weapon should a civilian be call owed to own. If superheroes were real, should a civilian be allowed to own a weapon capable of killing one? Or would CCW be limited to conventional weapons and we just have to run and hide and wait for The Avengers to save us? The parallel is CCW in the age of terrorism. If we can be attacked by some ISIS adherents armed with AKs at any moment, should I be stocking an AR in my car?

    2) I was bitter. Note the late hour of the post. I had just finished watching CNN’s coverage of Iowa where they interviewed people who couldn’t enunciate a single reason they were supporting the candidate of their choice. Then they’d cut over to Trump being an asshole and back to people reacting to Sanders like he was a boy band. It was disheartening. But in my own defense, our founding fathers didn’t was universal suffrage either.

  7. Never do I have to worry about voting or picking the best of the worst candidates! For I live in CT, a state that doesn’t matter electorally and which will vote democrat no matter what!

  8. I think that is the rut we are in many want a democracy so they vote democrat no matter what.Democracy is suppose to offer a fair voting ground and that is not the case any more.It is not based on the majority of people anymore,it is based on what people are scared of the most.They think democrats care about the people and republicans don’t and this totally not true.In fact in alot of cases it is just the opposite.

  9. Don’t be facetious miggy, it’s quite obvious that I was using the colloquial term to refer to a constitutional republic.

    But like I said, articles like these aren’t helping the cause. Don’t be hypocritical: you rail on people for doing dumb open carry of rifles because of the negative impression it makes, but then you let trash like this on your own site?

    What sort of impression do you think it gives when a pro-gun site publishes an article about replacing voting with battles for office? Not a good one, that’s for sure. You’re just handing the opposition ammo.

    1. Don’t be facetious miggy, it’s quite obvious that I was using the colloquial term to refer to a constitutional republic.

      and then:

      What sort of impression do you think it gives when a pro-gun site publishes an article about replacing voting with battles for office?

      And you did not see the contradiction before you posted the comment?

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