The First Karen.

A buddy of mine sent me this Tweet:

The replies are epic.

My favorite (because I love this movie)

I’m going to have to agree with this person.

This Tweet is absolutely true:

And apparently she isn’t the only neighborhood Karen ratting people out.

Second Karen.

This article was posted in Medium (which I still believe is the most racest website on the internet).

The pandemic bread baking craze is so selfish

Written by Caren A. White, who is a real person and not a parody.  It is appropriate that her name is Caren with a “C” because you can guess what the “C” is for.

The original article has been deleted, along with the Medium account, but the internet is forever and you can see the original hyperlink.

I was walking down the baking aisle to see if the organic flour was on sale. Organic flour is expensive and I am poor so I always try to buy it when it goes on sale. There was no sale and no flour. The shelves were bare. My eyes traveled up to the top shelf. The shelf with the leavening ingredients. Also bare.

How could this be?

When I got home, I logged on to my laptop and started reading articles on the pandemic. I had stopped reading most pandemic related articles weeks ago because they were upsetting me too much. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate. I needed to distance myself. But I knew that the pandemic had something to do with the bare shelves in the baking aisle so I exposed myself to the turmoil once more.

It seems that there has been a run on flour and yeast because people are bored so they are baking bread to pass the time.

Seriously?

Baking bread is a way of life for me, not a hobby. Not something to do just to pass the time. I don’t eat store-bought bread. I rarely eat prepared foods of any kind. If you visited my kitchen, you would find food but nothing to eat because I only stock ingredients. I do all of my own cooking and baking. On Saturday nights, I don’t order pizza, I make it. From scratch. Including the crust. I also grow my own popcorn, but that’s a topic for another day.

You see, I am one of THOSE people. You know the ones. You offer them a plate of food and they look at it suspiciously asking “Is that organic?” I want to know what is in my food so I make it myself. By the way, croutons? Made from my homemade bread. Breading for fried chicken? Made from my homemade bread. Stuffing for the Thanksgiving turkey? Made from my homemade bread. So when you buy up all of the flour and leavening ingredients for the sake of pretty photos on your Instagram feed you are literally taking food from my mouth. And the mouths of other families who also do their own their baking so that they can provide healthy food for their families.

Here’s the problem. It’s Economics 101. Supply and Demand. Before the pandemic, very few people did scratch baking so the grocery stores carried only limited supplies of flour and leavening. Both go bad, so they don’t want it hanging around the shelves for too long. Hence the limited quantities. That was okay. There was always enough for those of us who needed it. But there is not enough now that we are competing with a bunch of dilettante bakers who care nothing for anyone but themselves.
Yes, I know that sounds harsh, but I’m willing to bet that not a single one of them stopped to think as they grabbed the last of the flour and the yeast that they were robbing other people’s children of their daily bread. Nope. I’m certain all they cared about was how impressed everyone was going to be with their picture perfect loaves of bread.

Here’s an idea. If you are bored and want to learn new skills, why don’t you learn how to garden and impress everyone with your tomatoes? Or how about learning how to sew to make masks for hospitals and first responders? I know, learn to crochet so you can make those cute market bags for when you go to the farmer’s market.

But, please, please, I’m begging you, stop baking bread.

Holy shit, what a fucking bitch.  At least she has the self-awareness to recognize that she is “one of THOSE people.”  She is the kind of person what when you offer her food out of the goodness of your heart, she rejects it and interrogates you over the origins of the ingredients.

Not because she has some deadly allergy to something, but because she’s an organic food cultist.  Given that information, I suspect people do not offer her much food because she is an ungrateful garbage-person.

It didn’t dawn on her once that the bread baking other people were doing wasn’t because they wanted to make great bread for Facebook and Instagram and threw it out.  It was because store-bought bread was not available.  For two weeks in a row, there was no bread in the grocery store when went for our weekly shopping trip so we baked our own bread.

So when Caren says “I know that sounds harsh, but I’m willing to bet that not a single one of them stopped to think as they grabbed the last of the flour and the yeast that they were robbing other people’s children of their daily bread” what she really means is “my kids are more important than your kids and I want you to not bake for your children so I can bake for mine.”

This is the zenith of Karen hubris.  She was so dragged in the comments that she wiped her account.

My wife saw this and decided to do some baking just to put some spite into the eather for Caren.  She made very delicious homemade rolls and I grilled some burgers and we had burgers on homemade buns with homemade potato wedges.

We’ve seen a couple of cops respond to a woman in Wisconsin because some Karen ratted her out for letter her daughter play with a neighbor’s child during the lockdown.

I’ve covered how New York and LA are empowering their Karens to rat out their neighbors.

My favorite part of that story is how New Yorkers shut down the lockdown snitch site by flooding it with dick pics and Hitler memes.

I was talking to a buddy about this and I mentioned that I am reminded of the stories from the Allied liberation of Holland during WWII.  Women who fraternized with the Nazis were dragged from their homes, beaten, and had their heads shaved in the streets.

People do not like Nazi collaborators.

When all this is over, I wonder what will happen to the Karens of America, who made it their mission to rat out their neighbors and destroy any attempt at fun or normalcy during these stressful times.

I cannot believe that Americas tattle-told for mowing their lawns, going for walks, and letting their kids ride bikes are going to let bygones be bygones.

So if in June you see a middle-class white woman at the grocery store with a shaved head, you know what she did to her neighbors during the lockdown and be sure to treat her accordingly.

Spread the love

By J. Kb

14 thoughts on “A tale of two Karens”
  1. I wonder if only the “organic” (a term that is noting more than a marketing ploy) flour was out or if regular all purpose flour was also out as well. I suspect the former, but the “organic” nazi wouldn’t buy the regular stuff.

  2. Re K2:

    And if people buy gardening supplies, she’d complain that all the seeds and mulch were gone and she couldn’t grow popcorn. If they went to make masks, she’d complain that all the cloth is sold out and she couldn’t make socks or whatever.

    There is literally be no pleasing people like that, even if you’re taking their advice and doing what they say.

  3. Hit the nail right on the head there. The problem with Karens is that they are more than willing to screw over your needs, so that they can have their wants. She is more importants, dontchaknow

  4. What Caren doesn’t seem to understand is that Cabin Fever is real.
    I was only out of work for 2 weeks (travelled out of state). Everything, even sleep schedule, was out of whack. I was *happy* to go back to work, cuz now I had something to do.
    You can’t lock ppl up indefinitely without something to do. Something about the human mind can’t stand it.

    But yeah, screw that gal. Hope she and the others pays for their snitching ways.

    1. There is a reason locking people up is used as a punishment. We call it “jail.”

      We also already know what happens to people when they go too long with nothing useful to do and have the basics of life given to them. That’s called “welfare.”

      Neither is good for the human soul, especially long-term.

  5. 3 weeks ago, i was down with pneumonia, laid off work, and the city came by to say i needed to cut my lawn. Had to hire a some guys to get me caught up. So, that mowing snitch really gets my goat.

    1. I’m just saying that if several gallons of pool shock were to accidentally be dumped onto the snitch’s lawn so that it killed their grass and they had to re-sod everything or face a fine from the city, that would be a crying shame.

      1. And that gallon or two of RoundUp on the bases of the trees… Real shame, that.

        1. Roundup won’t work on trees. Try 2,4,5-T (aka Agent Orange). Sorry Karen but we want to get it correct.

  6. “So when you buy up all of the flour and leavening ingredients for the sake of pretty photos on your Instagram feed you are literally taking food from my mouth.”

    “But there is not enough now that we are competing with a bunch of dilettante bakers who care nothing for anyone but themselves.,”

    Professional bakery suppliers have more than sufficient supply of flour at the moment in 50 lb bags. Just bought some rye and wheat. Aliquoted into glass jars. Will last for a bit.

    Other people buy berries and mill them just before use. No shortages there either.

    As for leavening, starter is flour and water. One may prefer store bought yeast, but for centuries people baked bread without one.

    Baking powder is baking soda and vinegar. Plenty online.

    If one cannot afford 50 lb, one can either borrow some or buy a sack with friends or neighbour’s and then divide according to financial contributions.

    That Caren is a lazy projecting dilettante, who, in addition, does not have a remotest idea what it means to really be poor. In her case it is so much easier to blame everybody else for one’s woes.

    P. S. Never expected to live through shortages again, but it is like riding a bicycle

  7. The “THOSE people” comment reminded me of the old “How to become Gluten Intolerant” video:

  8. Caren2 gets a 4/10 for missing an opportunity to say learn to code.

    And I cannot imagine myself ever paying a fine to the town because my lawn is a dirt patch. That’s right up there with some HOA level shit.

  9. My mom has been buying “organic” since 1963. Its not the food with these modern hippies, its the attitude. Smug superiority. Fuk em. Theres a bunch in this state. Ever once in a while we get together and shoot machine guns. Let em know what Freedom sounds like

Login or register to comment.