South Florida is ready for the Zombie Apocalypse.

After watching all the movies, TV series and websites, I have decided that we in good ole SoFla are more than ready to tackle a Zombie Horde without breaking a sweat and the reason is simple: Hurricane Building Codes, Hurricane Preparation, Firepower & other available resources.

Hurricane Building Codes are perhaps the most important part of the equation. We in South Florida do not evacuate when a hurricane comes because our only option is going north and it takes one car breaking down to be caught in the interstate highways. So we prepare and hunker down in our abodes built to withstand your average Big Blower.

How many times have you seen Zombies breaking in a house via doors and windows? And the victims keep making the same mistakes over and over: Either do not protect those weak points or nail a couple of boards from the inside to fend off a zombie crush. The result are always the same: Zombie food. Down here our doors are usually metal and open to the outside which prevents just plain pushing to access the inside. Add to that the installation of hurricane panels in all other apertures and you get yourself a nice zombie proof bunker.

Unless the Zombies figure out how to use power metal cutting tools, we are pretty much covered. And don’t worry about accessing the house from the basement: there are no basements in South Florida.

For some reason or other, Zombie Outbreaks always happen in the Summer which, coincidentally that is also Hurricane Season. By the end of April, we renew our Hurricane Survival kits & stock up on gas (for the generators) food and water. I personally follow the Southcom Hurricane Survival List which I think is the most comprehensive out there and tested during past Hurricanes. While the Gulf Coast was losing their everloving minds because of Katrina, we were pretty much doing fine and even when we got hit by Wilma (Cat 3) a couple of months later, I bet you do not remember seeing horror stories coming out of Miami. People here have learned to be ready.

There is no other way to say it: We have a trainload of guns in South Florida and they come out to play when SHTF. Weeks upon weeks of no power and resources strained you’d think looting would be normal and bands of marauders would be attacking residents. Well, not down here. When the grandmother that lives 5 houses down and has to move arouns on her motorized wheelchair is running around with a .357 on her lap, you know you are not to screw with the neighborhood (and she is not a figment of my imagination, she is a neighbor!) And Cops are smart enough to leave people alone taking care of their safety which in turns saves government resources that can be used in real emergencies that cannot be dealt by your standard civilians.

And having a heavy Caribbean & South American presence in the area gives us another great weapon against the Zombie Hordes: The Machete. They are kept very sharp and are a great tool to loop zombie heads in one strike, specially in the hands of people that have been trained for centuries. Ninjas do not like to mess with an old Cuban fart with a machete in hand. And let us not forget that baseball is a very favored sport to the same people so bats are plentiful and known how to be used in case of emergencies.

And I hate to admit it, but State and Local governments do a damn decent job during crisis. Political BS apart, a good infrastructure is set in place to deal with most common major disasters. Even FEMA did not botches stuff up after Wilma and that is saying a lot. Of course, crap goes back to normal BS once the emergency is over.

About the only drawback we have is the hot weather. You know all those corpses are gonna stink to high heaven and our temperatures never drop below freezing. We can only hope that the east to west breezes are kind and constant sending the obnoxious fumes over the Everglades which will also become dumping grounds for the bodies that will feed the gator population.
So, if you really fear the Zombie Apocalypse, move to South Florida! We are ready to take the Undead head on!

(FTC Disclaimer: Paid for the Florida Zombie Apocalypse Business Alliance and the AZLU (American Zombie Legion Unified)

6 Replies to “South Florida is ready for the Zombie Apocalypse.”

    1. We kill the zombies first, then feed. No Undead zombie allowed in the Glades (some EPA ruling I think) Plus them swamp people already know how to deal with the gators in any state. 🙂

  1. My company makes the zombie roll shutters that go over your doors and windows.

    We are only too glad to be doing our part!

  2. I might consider it. Once I have my own income and all. Still not used to thinking about leavin’ Virginia.

  3. one of the comic pictures that’s been making the rounds lately is of a house surrounded by treadmills. Treadmills wired to the house of course. It’s not solar power that’s the wave of the future…it’s ZOMBIE POWER. Free electricity for as long as the zombies hold out. 😛

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