“If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day and will come back tomorrow expecting another one. Be an asshole, tell him to go learn how to fish.” Yours truly
From umbrellas to aspirin. From pens to first aid items, there is always that individual that somehow forgets to bring his own. We are not talking about a once in a lifetime occurrence or “Oh gosh, I never thought about this before” that brings knowledge and preparation for the future, but the “I can always ask/borrow Mr. X for it if I need some” attitude.
I have officially become an asshole at work. Why? Because I stopped being “helpful” and providing for the fourth or fifth time a necessary item that somebody “forgot” for the umpteenth time. You cut your finger? See if you can top the bleeding with your fancy new smartphone, if not check the main office and use a Post-It to quench the spillage. If your car won’t start because the battery which has been giving you warnings for the last three days has finally call it quits, don’t come and ask me if I have jumper cables and to give you a jump, I’ll obviously lie to your face and say I don’t have any because my truck uses a Mr. Fusion to provide the necessary electricity. Can you borrow my flashlight to check that building? Wait, you work nights and have done so for the last 6 months, know that the flashlights at the office are always out and you still have failed to provide yourself with something so frigging basic? Sure, cough up $20 for batteries; my Surefire only uses classy & expensive lithium batteries. Don’t have the $20? Make sure you don’t bump into anything or anybody that might hurt you.
And please, if you gone stupid and decided to pick a fight with a suspected drunk and/or Meth freak after I told you not to do it, don’t expect me to risk my own limbs to get you out of your idiocy. You made that hospital bed all on your own, you get to lay in it. But I do promise I’ll be a good witness when LEOs arrive.
We cannot be 100% ready for what life may throw at you, we all agree on that. But that is not an excuse to be 0% ready and depend on good luck and the kindness of strangers and coworkers. And if that makes me a nasty and cruel human being, just don’t hang around me, my tight budget will appreciate it.