But of course…

While doing research for my last post, I cam across this article: Millennial men are significantly weaker than their fathers, study shows.  Of course they are.  Of course.  I know so many who don’t know how a hammer works, let alone have ever swung one.  Adult children whose heaviest lifting is an I-Phone to take a selfie.  Worse, who are physically revulsed by tools and the self sufficiency that come with them.

I used to get offended when I read article after article how millennials are the dumbest generation.

I am one of them, technically, and I am nothing like what these people describe.  Neither are my friends.

Then I realized what it is.

These weak, narcissistic, safe-space ninnyhammers, that have come to be the public face of the millennial generation are Eloi.  The live their sheltered, pampered lives on the surface, in the daylight.

Those of us who toil, doing useful work, keeping the lights on and the economy running are the Morlocks.  We have the hand strength, bad backs, calluses, and paychecks to prove it.  We live in the dark, underground.  Ignored by the media and pop culture.  We terrify the Eloi by our very existence.  Mocked for going to bed because we have to get up early for a job, and can’t stay up all night taking pictures of our craft beers for Pinterest.

I’m OK with being a Morlock.  The Eloi were never the good guys, happy to watch a fellow Eloi drown (nowadays while videoing the drowning Eloi for their YouTube channel).

I think if a Victorian man, with the hand strength that comes from a life of having to shovel coal or split wood when it got cold outside, came to Earth today in a time machine.  He might be more inclined to marvel at the underground industry us Morlocks created than the pampered indolence that the Eloi complain is too much work for them.

As for me.  When the big one hits, SMOD makes impact, or the dead rise up and start to walk the earth; I’ll be fine sitting down to a nice, juicy, Eloi steak.


2 Replies to “But of course…”

  1. New York Times – The Modern Man
    Adjective – of or relating to the present or recent times as opposed to the remote past
    Noun – a person who advocates or practices a departure from traditional styles or values
    Antonym – old, old fashioned, past, ancient, antiquated, obsolete, outdated, passé

    The “Modern” Man – Exactly what does that mean? Does that mean that modern men should be different from past generations? Were our forefathers not “modern” men of their times? And exactly what does it mean to be a man?
    I was raised with respect for tradition, family, church, elders, women, and country. Are these qualities no longer considered acceptable? It seems as though this author is blending the traditional roles of masculine and feminine to re-define man. Sorry folks, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This doesn’t mean that a real man doesn’t actually eat quiche. And it doesn’t mean he isn’t empa-thetic. It just means that he isn’t pa-thetic.

    1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
    A real man is smart enough to know that buying any clothing items for his spouse is a fool’s errand. He learned this early in life when Mom bought clothing that was neither in style, cool, nor fit. Men are not women, and to pretend to understand what personal items your spouse may like is about as stupid as asking them to decide which type of athletic supporter you should wear.
    2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.
    A real man has got to know his limitations. The only one you’re really lying to is yourself. A real man admits when he has made a mistake and learns from it.
    3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.
    4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
    Awe bullshit. A real man feeds these parts to his best friend, his dog.
    5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.
    Unless his spouse is in the car. Then he does what he is told.
    6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
    A real man knows to keep his hands off his spouse’s things. The kids are on their own. They spend too much time on those damn things anyway.
    7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.
    Awe bullshit. A real man drinks whatever he damn well feels like. If that happens to be a Dew or diet then so be it. But you won’t ever see him with one of those energy drinks containing Taurine (Bull Piss) in his hand. A real man knows piss doesn’t belong in your mouth.
    8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.
    A real man calls it what it is and is expedient about it. They aren’t diagonal side cutting plyers, they are Dikes. And we call them Dike(s) because they only come in pairs.
    9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.
    A real man strives to learn something new every day. Having a daughter is simply another joy in life and not the only reason to learn new stuff. Now the young man who comes a courting; he learns a few things quick when he meets Dad for the first time.
    10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.
    If only this was the mantra of the modern child.
    11. The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.
    What’s a tweet?
    12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.
    Awe bullshit. A real man gets out of the shower, drips water all the way back to the soap stash, tears the box in two, and drips water all the way back to the shower. Then he takes the small wimpy wet piece and rubs it through the drain screen with his foot. It’s a piece of soap. It doesn’t warrant much thought.
    13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.
    What the fuck is Wu-Tang?
    14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.
    A real man already knows everything he needs at the grocery store and lists are for women. He systematically walks every single isle like running a standard search grid and still misses one or two items.
    15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.
    What the fuck is an oxford and why the hell are you wearing shoes in the house anyway?
    16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
    25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
    Where the hell is she going to go? Out the window? A real man keeps his everyday carry gun on the night stand. His dog is already trying to feast on the intruder while the real man wipes the sleepies out of his eyes and gears up. A real man’s wife already has his back with her bigger gun and is looking to protect the kids while he deals with the intruder. She’s already got 911 speed dialed and calling for an ambulance for the intruder. A real man doesn’t shrug his responsibility to protect his family with namby-pamby fears of inanimate objects. A real man knows what tool works best for what job. A real man’s kids know where all the guns and ammunition are and they have been taught proper use, safety, and respect. A real man’s kids are as much as a threat to an intruder as mom and dad are.
    17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
    Abso-fucking-lutely not. A real man cuts the damn thing in half with his pocket knife and chomps away. Ok, in company, he uses a spoon, maybe.
    18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
    A real man already has the right tool for the job. He doesn’t have to think seriously about something so trivial. A real man’s Dad gave him the one his Grandpa gave him and he will pass it on to his eldest son.
    19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.
    Yeah, cause it’s always a good idea to surprise his wife with something that’s on its deathbed. A real man has an account at the local jewelry store and forgoes the dying plants. A real man surprises his wife with trips to Bermuda or a new gun.
    20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
    Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
    What truth?
    There is no spoon.
    There is no spoon?
    Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
    21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.
    Does this really need to be said? A real man would be ROFLAO. Yeah, we know what that means dear.
    22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.
    A real man smacks the newspaper boy until he understands the paper belongs neatly on the porch railing every morning.
    23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).
    A real man has a library of classic books and reads them. A real man keeps up with current events and can talk intelligently about them. A real man has no need for a shelf full of modern movies he can download at any time if he wishes.
    24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.
    It’s a phone. A real man’s first indication there’s a problem is when the display is blank.
    26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
    A real man cries just like any other human being. How often he cries depends upon the trials of his life; some more, some less. But certainly he doesn’t cry to gain sympathy.
    27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.
    God either gave you dance genes or he didn’t. A real man doesn’t care one way or the other.


  2. Re: physically repulsed by manual labor, I can think of a few reasons that stand immediately out from my own experiences (with others, I mean):

    1. Those that dont have practical, useful skills know it, and they are jealous of others that do. Not the wish-them-ill type of jealousy, but the kind that puts one’s mind into that dissonant mode where justification of perceived shortcomings is more important (and easier!) than fixing the problem.

    2. Millennials are the most highly doped, anti-anxiety/-depressant-prescribed generation to date. A few years ago, the statistic was something like 60% of US youth have been prescribed or are currently on psychotropic drugs. Many of these drugs will indeed “amp” folks up out of their lethargy, but the majority seem to work by dulling the senses to some therpeutic degree. The problem with either is that with this altered brain/body chemistry, phyical exertion can make one very ill indeed. Raised body temps that dont normalize correctly, nausea, stomach ache, diarrhea, etc. I’ve seen folks go from being marathon cyclists to being unable to jog around the block due to such meds.

    All that said, no excuses for these chumps. If it’s jealousy, man up and take some classes at the adult annex of your local community college. Or just buy some tools and try to remodel some small space in your home. Or buy a broken gun and fix it. I’ve recently done all three!

    If it’s the meds, work with your doctor and/or psychiatrist to find a drug that doesn’t have such side effects. If xanax makes your back hurt and renders you useless after 20 minutes of physical anything, find a replacement or a mitigating addition to your drug regimen. Addiction sucks, but it can be overcome.

    Just my two cents drawing off folks I’ve known and the kids I’ve observed coming through my family’s schools.



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