Zoolander theory

My news feed at work popped up with this headline A Model Shared Her Bathing Suit Photos To ‘Offend’ Body-Shamers.  It was sponsored by Refinery29 which is a fashion and social justice online magazine.

My first thought was “oh god, what sort of land-whale do they have parading around trying to me a model this week?”

The answer is “a hot one.”

Offends?  I think she spelled “turns on” wrong.

I was reminded of the controversy when Sports Illustrated made Ashley Graham their cover girl for their swimsuit edition, because she was a size 16.  How dare SI put this fat disgusting pig on the cover of their magazine.

This one:

All I can say is:

I’m not understanding what the problem is here.

How is she considered anything but gorgeous?  The Greatest Generation would have painted her on the noses of their B-17’s before bombing the Nazis into submission.

Then it dawned on me.  Way back in the early 1970’s, President Richard Nixon though that terrible woman’s fashion was a conspiracy by gay men that hated women to make them look ugly.  Really.

I don’t think he was all that wrong.  I just think the conspiracy has evolved.

*Dons tinfoil hat*

I think that gay fashion designers have been trying to gaslight straight men into thinking that these skinny, anorexic supermodels are hot.

How better to normalize gayness than making straight men get all hot and bothered by waify models that are practically indistinguishable from twinks?

If you can’t tell a female supermodel from a boy does it really matter which one you are attracted to?

I for one am not falling for this.  You can’t tell me that there is something wrong with a model that is undeniably a woman (and at least 10% boobs by volume).

It’s time we take back the culture, one full figured woman at a time.



*P.S. This is post is at least 50% tongue-in-cheek.

4 Replies to “Zoolander theory”

  1. Simpler theory: She’s shallow and just wants an excuse to post swimsuit pics and garner praise. She doesn’t really care what causes she’s helping or whatever.

    Very simple: girl wants attention, girl comes up with excuse to show off. It’s literally 90% of social media.


  2. My wife’s theory is that the gay fashion designers ultimate turn-on is a 13 year old boy, so they design everything for women that are built like 13 year old boys. Which means they need models that are built like 13 year old boys, and the standards of beauty become 13 year old boys.



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