Lawn and the suburban standard.

The landscaper dropped by today to take care of my “lawn.”

I call it “lawn” because it is about 50% weed and 50% St Augustine Grass which is just one chromosome above being a weed itself, it is basically miniature Elephant Grass. We cannot have all the fancy soft stuff that you find up north like bluegrass as it would not make it through the end of March without spontaneously combusting. The weed part? I got tired of paying up the ass for bags Feed and Weed crap. Oh yes, they work, but the grass would grow 3 inches overnight and  it would require the services of the landscaper three times a week.

And let’s face it, we have a lawn to conform with the neighbors. I do believe that more than one male suburbanite would cover at least the backyard in concrete and get several cars jacked up or a couple of basketball courts with dogs roaming around pooping everywhere and you don’t caring because you’d have high pressure water systems ready to clean up. Most of the time, the missus wants colorful perennials and annuals with fragrance that makes everything look pretty and compete with Mary Sue next door and Jenn across the street.

The joys of home ownership…yay!

14 Replies to “Lawn and the suburban standard.”

  1. “I do believe that more than one male suburbanite would cover at least the backyard in concrete and get several cars jacked up or a couple of basketball courts with dogs roaming around pooping everywhere and you don’t caring because you’d have high pressure water systems ready to clean up.”

    I’m with you on the cars, at least! 😀

  2. If you do not actually need the lawn ditch it and get a low maintenance ground cover for your area. Lawns are only required for recreational uses, so having a lawn that you do not actually go sit/play on is pretty pointless. A quick google search shows tons of beautiful ground cover for Florida. If you select the right one you will only need yard care every few months to pull up the stray weed or two. I am from a much cooler climate, so my front yard is covered in grape hyacinth. It is a mature plot so it gets very little weeds, and looks stunning in spring and summer.

  3. You could try the smurf turf like in Boise, or the red version from the lava dome in Cheney WA or any of the varieties of green. Low maintenance, probably only need to hose it off every week or two. Would definitely make a ‘statement’ in the neighborhood……….

  4. Looks like a lawn to me…its green and once its cut it will look like …..a lawn.
    Weeds are green in my book. Up here you see the morons out spraying round up on the dandylions cause omg they are WEEDS an you cant have that.. then in the next breath they wonder why the well water is killing them and where all the bees have gone. 2 things- if its green let it grow and if you can see out the windows,the lawn dont need cutting.heh heh

  5. “I do believe that more than one male suburbanite would cover at least the backyard in concrete[…]”

    I’ve never won the “lawn vs. slab” argument with Lord Vader in over twenty years.

  6. I’ve given up on the weed vs lawn issue. There is one area in my lawn that the nutsedge has taken over to the point that after mowing it looks better than the St. Augustine.

  7. Dude, tear that shit up and thrown down some good old warm season zoysia, it’s literally a spreadable grass weed that grows so thick it chokes out weeds, just spend some money to dethatch it every season and never worry about it.

    Ps since zoysia is a warm season grass it goes dormant when colder weather hits, considering you’re in Florida that should never happen

  8. Fact: The reason Lake Management in Florida is such an expensive problem, is because of all the non-native grasses people prefer over native Florida grasses. Bahia grasses do not require constant fertilizers to exist and thus are the healthy choice for Florida’s 8000 lakes.

  9. Florida is in a class by itself when it comes to lawns and stuff.

    The wise resident goes with Curby’s solution- let grow what grows, and then cut it- it will look close enough. But you do have to cut it, lest a rainforest spring up during the week that you miss.

    Fiddling around with different grass species, or rooting out weeds- all that will be futile.

  10. This is one benefit of moving out to the farm. We can convert the whole damn yard to short-grass prairie, and only have to mow a pass around the buildings.

    The only other maintenance is to set it on fire every few years.

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