Car trouble in the Beaver State

It is now the law in Oregon that you can pump your own gas, because its legislature decided that it’s no longer  1951.

The thing is, it only applies to counties of less than 40,000 people, so about half the state.  I’ve lived in western South Dakota and rural Indiana, which still had a city population of about 60,000 and a county population of 80,000.  I can’t imagine how empty a county of 40,000 must be.

It seems that having gas stations be unable to serve people because the town didn’t have enough people to keep the gas station open had something to do with this.

Truth be told, I used to live in New Jersey and I hated having my gas pumped by someone else.   I felt very uncomfortable about it.   It was like having a men’s room attendant unzip my fly and hold my dick while I pee.

Sure, people from New Jersey said they pay less for gas, but that’s not because the attendant makes it cheaper, but that Pennsylvania and New York have higher gas taxes and jack the price up by comparison.

So, back to Oregon…

The law, of course, doesn’t apply to the major population centers of the state.

Apparently some people in Oregon didn’t know this and voiced an opinion on Facebook about the change in the law.

Oregon is wedged in between California and Washington.  To the south is a state were a substantiation percentage of the population is confused about which bathrooms to use, and to the north is… Evergreen State College (’nuff said).

So when Facebook posts claim that people in Oregon do not know how to pump their own gas, don’t want to learn how to do so, and are afraid of smelling like gas… my parody detector just shuts down.

My prejudices, being what they are, I assume that is the rural Oregonians who know how to pump their own gas and will be alright.

For the rest of the Beaver State population, if you are confused and scared by the idea of refueling their own cars, here is some advice.

If you don’t know how to fill your tank, don’t worry.  Just spray the gasoline all over the car, it will eventually soak in.

If you are afraid of smelling like gas after doing that.  Just treat gas fumes like a nasty fart, just light a match.  I promise you, you won’t smell any gas after that.

8 Replies to “Car trouble in the Beaver State”

    1. I think I’m going to move to San Francisco and have that made into a city ordinance.

      It will create jobs and keep men’s room floors clean.

  1. I live here in OR. On the outskirts of it’s largest population center (my back property line is literally the city limit, and the city is on the west edge of the metro area of Portland) having moved here almost nine years ago. I have never thought it made any sense to require gas pumping attendants. I know many people feel the same as I do.

    We are frequently frustrated when there are too few attendants, or they don’t notice you for a while. You could be in and out quickly if you were allowed to pump your own gas.

    But there are also a lot of people who insist that it protects important jobs. They cannot see how that labor could be put to productive use instead of busywork mandated by the government.

  2. Wow! I’ve driven thru New Jersey many times because of my job. I thought it was the lone state with the ridiculous “can’t pump gas” law.

  3. Oregon is an incredibly beautiful state, the hiking is phenomenal. However, I have been to Portland, and that is a gross city. Though I suppose most cities are.

  4. On a serious note this is a sensible extension of the Oregon law from a few years ago setting up individual access to unmanned commercial fuel stations in rural areas.
    On a less serious note wtf happened to the pioneer spirit? Especially in Portland where people go into Washington all the time and have to pump gas. I lived in the Portland suburbs for years but now I’m out in the dry side where they vote Republican. I can only hope these people are joking, but given what I’ve seen lately some of these snowflakes are serious.

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