From my dead greasy hands

Climate change: Sandwiches eaten in UK ‘have same environmental impact as eight million cars.’

First they came for my toilet.  Then they came for my shower head.

They’ve told me that I have to turn my AC up in the summer and heat down in the winter.

My washing machine takes forever and my dryer takes even longer.

They tell me to get rid of my dogs and not to have more than one kid if any at all.

I have tolerated all the nannying, and guilt tripping from elite Hollywood rapists celebrities, buy let me make this clear.

You can have my Medianoche, Ruben, or pulled pork sandwich when you pry it from my dead, greasy hands.

If you are willing to die on the hill of trying to take my sandwich from me, I can accommodate that.  I’m a big guy, I’m hungry, and it’s lunch time.

Ban sandwiches, I dare you.

6 Replies to “From my dead greasy hands”

  1. Apparently it’s only the sandwiches eaten in the UK that are the problem. Sandwiches eaten in the rest of the world are OK for now.

    Considering that natures perfect food has the same ingredients as the evil sandwiches plus being baked in a coal or gas oven, how long before they come after pizza. Will students and millennials rise up with pitchforks, tar and feathers?

  2. Yeah,mme hungry now too…. if you use WHITE bread on yer sammitch and eat it outdoors it will reflect that hot sunlight back into space and help lower that evil tempature….take THAT climatenazis

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