Gun Free Zone

Dear Lord almightly:

Oregon police department asks public not to call 911 if they run out of toilet paper

This is real.  Here is the text in its entirety:

It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.

In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue.

Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used.

Mayans used corn cobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corn cobs, but used pages from the Farmers Almanac. Many Americans took advantage of the numerous pages torn from free catalogs such as Sears and Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalog, four times thicker than the normal catalog, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day; or Saint Patrick’s Day if they were frugal.

Then, of course, there are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now. Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will even tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin. Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.

How hard is it to figure out what to do if you run out of toilet paper at home?

At work, it might be a litter harder, but you can improvise: the coffee filters in the break room, any memo posted by management, the suit jacket your executive manager left in his office (be sure to turn the sleeve inside out to wipe with the satin lining, then turn it back right side out before putting it back).

But at home, the shower is right there.  What is wrong with people?

You know what.  Maybe the Libertarians are right.  If you run out of toilet paper, offer your neighbors $500 and/or a blowjob for a roll.  Who am I to moralize against profiteering and sex work.

Better yet, let chaos reign.  If you catch your neighbor hoarding toilet paper, wipe your ass with his cat when he lets it out.  Or just steal his toilet paper with swift and violent action.

You know what paper products are still available?  When I went to Lowes yesterday, they still had an aisle full of sandpaper.  Just be sure to get the ultra-fine finish stuff.

There are no rules anymore.  The police cannot handle the downfall of society from the number of people who can’t figure out how to clean shit off their asses in the myriad of ways humans have since the first human civilization was formed in Mesopotamia 6,000 years ago until toilet paper was invented in 1857.

Our Founding Fathers managed to shit and write both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States without paper on a roll.

Michaelangelo managed to carve the Pieta and paint the Sistine Chapel before toilet paper was commercially available.

Beethoven composed the 9th Symphony before he could wipe ass with mass-marketed ass wipe tissue.

But now that there is a temporary shortage of toilet paper the Western World can no longer function.

We are doomed.  Doomed I tell you.

You know what, maybe I’m thinking about this all wrong.

I need to buy an upholstery cleaner.  There is going to be a lot of money to be made off of people who own fabric couches and had no idea what to do when they ran out of toilet paper for two weeks.

I saw this posted on Twitter, and holy crap, Bernie has no idea how awful this makes him look.

Bernie Sanders just responded to his justification of Cuba's human rights abuses by justifying China's human rights abuses.

Yes, really. He's this bad at this. #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/VvOZKIkXTJ

— Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) March 16, 2020

China’s economy is entirely the result of it being a cruel authoritarian society.

The well connected can get ahead.  Those who are entrepreneurial have to play the government game (bribery, corruption, etc).

The rest of China is just fodder for the machine.

Literally:

The base of the Chinese economy runs on essentially conscript slave labor.  Workers are treated as disposable.  This forced labor for pay isn’t exactly the same raising people out of poverty as the growth of the Middle Class in the United States.

Furthermore, the Chinese standard for extreme poverty is very different than ours.  Much of central and rural China is impoverished, by Western standards, as the Chinese government declared the poverty line to be $350 per year.  In 2018, nearly 500 Million Chinese lived on the equivalent to $5.50 per day.

For Sanders to praise conscript labor in a factory under dangerous conditions for a daily wage that won’t cover a Big Mac meal as an accomplishment is reprehensible.

If Sanders conducted a seance and channeled the spirit of Chairman Mao straight from hell, his answer wouldn’t have been any different.

Via Splendid Isolation

So perhaps it’s not a surprise that most Americans did not know about the proactive steps that President Trump was taking.  After all, the entirety of the media focus was on a ridiculous Senate impeachment trial while the White House Coronavirus mitigation effort was happening.

However, it sure is blood-boiling to watch the media now. To see the media cheer-leading for a national health crisis -literally with smiling faces as they hope for an economic collapse- for the exact same gleeful reason they cheered the impeachment effort.   The level of U.S. media vitriol against President Trump is sickening.

Prescient Trump…

I just want to reinforce one more thing: The Democrats were aware of the Corona Virus problem too. They chose to ignore it for the political clown show of impeachment.  As long as they get to win, they do not care how many die. Power demand broken eggs for the omelette.

I have taken up reading Italian Newspapers (still amazed I can understand so much and thanks to browser translators) and I believe Italians are the epidemiological version of deer caught in the headlights.

Why is there such a huge cluster of infection up north? Italy is an old country in the sense of the age of its people’s age, but I don’t think old people are living all north.

«The health situation in Bergamo is very complicated,’ Gori continued. The city is the epicenter of this emergency. The number of infected continues to grow, of those taken to the hospital, put in intensive care. Unfortunately, the number of deaths is increasing, about 50 a day, 300 in the last week. Meanwhile, doctors in hospitals and GPs are sick, there are more than 70 of them who are ill for doing their job. 

Already in these hours some serious patients have been transferred to other regions, which I thank for the availability. Similarly, many bodies were shipped to other places for cremation. The oven in the city of Bergamo is not able to dispose of all the work it has to do;

Coronavirus a Bergamo, Gori da Fazio: «Manca tutto». Borrelli: «Arrivano mascherine»

They are overwhelmed.

I have no idea but wild guesses about bot  being ready for even the most basic of epidemics. Was it politics? Bureaucracy? or simply good old Italian relaxed culture?

I hope they figure it out and we get to learn from it.

I saw this Tweet by Florida Senator Rick Scott, and it got me thinking.

Today I’m urging attorneys general in all 50 states to take action against bad actors that are taking advantage of this crisis & price-gouging on personal protective equipment.

This equipment is desperately needed to save lives & keep healthcare workers & first responders safe. pic.twitter.com/Wi44LvOUbc

— Rick Scott (@SenRickScott) March 15, 2020

My wild political phase (every kid goes through that) was to become a Libertarian.

As I got older and (dare I say just a little bit) wiser, I realized that Libertarianism had some decent principles, but was an impracticable way to run a country.

But what really drove me out of Libertarianism were the principles that were just awful but Libertarians defended.

Under Libertarian principles, you could screw someone out of all of their money as long as you didn’t coerce them with violence or completely defraud them with lies.  If you did take advantage of someone, good for you because the other person was a stupid rube free for the taken.

Some years ago, John Stossel went off the Libertarian deep end.  One of the videos he posted was a defense of price gouging.

That was brought to mind because of this article from the New York Post:

Hoarding bros hoping to profiteer off coronavirus stuck with 17K bottles of hand sanitizer

Matt and Noah Colvin cooked up a get-rich scheme to glom all of the antibacterial wipes and hand sanitizers they could find after the first U.S. coronavirus was reported March 1 and make a killing on the re-sale, according to a New York Times interview.

The Colvins — piloting a silver SUV — snapped up all the sanitizers they could find across Tennessee and Kentucky. They thought they were on the road to Easy Street when the first 300 bottles of hand sanitizer they purchased sold out for between $8 and $70 a pop, which was “multiples higher than what he had bought them for,” the Times story said.

The brothers cleaned out a Dollar Tree, a Walmart, Staples and Home Depot and bought thousands of packs of antibacterial wipes from “little hole-in-the-wall dollar stores in the backwoods,” the Times reported.

They ended up with 17,700 bottles.

These two gargantuan assholes bought out stores across Kentucky and Tennesse of hand sanitizer that they were selling for orders of magnitude above regular market prices because of a shortage they helped create.

People, especially the elderly and at-risk wanted and needed this stuff to protect them from a potentially lethal virus.

These bipedal piles of garbage are taking advantage of a panic to hurt people.

The elderly person on a fixed income who wants hand sanitizer so they can go to the grocery store or big-box retailer to buy food and pick up prescriptions shouldn’t be forced into paying $70 for a bottle of Purell because two sentient enema nozzles bought it all explicitly to sell it back at hyper-inflated prices.

But according to John Stossel, these ambulatory rectal prolapses are great enterprising businessmen.

This isn’t like the guys in NYC buying cigarettes at an Indian Reservation in Connecticut and selling loosies on the street because it’s NYC punitive tax rate that makes cigarettes so expensive.

These immoral hemorrhoids took advantage of scared people during a panic.

I for one am glad that the Tennesee State Attorney General’s office decided to shut their shit down hard.  They were forced to donate their stockpile to charity and are left holding the bill for the items they hoarded.

If you assume an average of $3 per bottle for that stuff pre-panic prices, on hand sanitizer alone they spent at over $53,000.

I hope they are bankrupted by this.  I truly do.

I believe in liberty and still hold dear to many Libertarian principles of individual rights.  I just cannot abide a society that lets some people wildly profit by screwing the others during an emergency.

Update:

I don’t think I made myself sufficiently clear.

The Libertarian arguments for price gouging are all a defense of the market economy, which I believe in.  Except, that for the market economy to function it has to happen in a reasonable time.

If more people buy hand sanitizer in preparation for flu season, companies who sell it will order more, companies who distribute it will supply more, and they will order more from manufacturers who will ramp up production.

This is a process that takes weeks.  A slow, steady increase in sales can be responded to by the market.

When there is a sudden spike in demand that is much faster than the market can respond, you end up with wildly out of control situations.

I grew up in Florida.  I still think like a Floridian in Hurricane season.  You can only store so much gasoline.  It has a shelf life, and frankly, having lots of gas cans sitting in your garage is dangerous as hell.

So after a hurricane when the power goes out, letting gas spike to $20 per gallon means that poorer people can’t fuel even modest generators to run things like a refrigerator for insulin or a CPAP machine.

It prevents people who buy the gas they need to run chainsaws to clear the trees from their yards.

The reduced supply of gas after a hurricane isn’t driven by normal supply and demand channels, but by an aberration like the highways shutting down and trucks being able to resupply gas stations.

More importantly, market workes when people act like rational actors.  When there is a panic, people don’t act rationally.  This drives others to act irrationally and the system falls apart.

Lastly, the idea of letting gouging happen, especially when it comes to a potentially life-saving resource means that we value the lives of the rich over the poor in a very callous way.  Sure, the 40-year-old bank executive can afford $1,000 in hand sanitizer and not give a shit, but the 75-year-old woman who is a much greater risk of dying of Coronavirus and on a fixed income can’t afford one bottle.

If your goal is to conserve a resource, rationing works better.

What I learned from being a Libertarian is that Libertarians are some of the most intellectually self-fellating people in politics.

They think of themselves as being the smartest and most rational people and a libertarian society will benefit them the best.  Any imposed rules that restrict their ability to profit off the stupidity and gullibility of the “sheeple” is unfair to their intellect.

Yes, I actually heard that argument from Libertarians.  “If they are stupid enough to fall for it, then why shouldn’t I do it?”

This isn’t a recipe for creating a stable nation.  It is a recipe for allowing sociopaths to justify their predatory behavior using economics.

Also, this was only one of the reasons I’m not a Libertarian anymore

Don’t get me started on the number of Libertarians who said to my face:

“The US shouldn’t have fought in WWII in the European theater.  Hitler never attacked us, and intervening to stop the Holocaust was a waste.  If the Jews didn’t fight back, why should Americans have lost their lives to save them.”

Not succumbing to mass hysteria = downplaying.  And if that is the formula, I have seen it applied to people in all sides except those who appear on Media for a living or politics.

What we have id a case of Coming Home To Roost: When we needed a impartial media to give us needed information, we got a bunch of highly paid propagandists using a worldwide pandemic to keep cheer-leading for the Democrats.  The result has been from ignoring the media to directly confronting journalists for their faux hysteria

Man shouts at reporter outside supermarket, as he does his early morning shopping run. He believes #COVIDー19 is ‘no worse than the flu’ and blames media for the ‘buying hysteria’, as he is in before the crowds in the early morning to do his own panic buy. pic.twitter.com/3Lwu1X7XKF

— Marc Evan Aupiais ??&?? (@SACNSNew) March 14, 2020

As you can see, the Reporter and the cameraman did not take it kindly the challenge to their status, same as dear Jennifer Rubin. “How dare you unwashed citizen to address us like that. Die you filthy Repub!”

I can’t believe this.  Well, I can, but damn.

Illinois:

BREAKING: Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker will order all restaurants across the state to be closed to dine-in customers in a further attempt to curb the coronavirus. Delivery and drive up will remain open. This’ll be effective end of business tomorrow. @chicagotribune

— Gregory Royal Pratt (@royalpratt) March 15, 2020

Illinois Governor Orders All Restaurants and Bars Closed for Two Weeks

Governor J.B. Pritzker has ordered all restaurant and bar owners to close for two weeks. Delivery, carry out, and curbside service will still be allowed, but customers won’t be allowed in dining rooms or bars from the end of business on Monday through March 30.

Ohio:

Establishments can stay open for carry-out and delivery. What we can't have is people congregating and seated. #COVID19 #COVID19OhioReady pic.twitter.com/3EaBWeeMdr

— Governor Mike DeWine (@GovMikeDeWine) March 15, 2020

Ohio governor: All restaurants, bars must close amid coronavirus outbreak

All bars and restaurants in Ohio will be closed as of 9 p.m. Sunday until further notice, said Gov. Mike DeWine, who is taking a tough stance on trying to stem the coronavirus saying “if we don’t take these actions now, it’ll be too late.”

DeWine said what he called “very drastic action”was prompted by concerns from around the state about crowded bars. He said takeout and delivery would still be allowed.

California:

#BREAKING – Governor Newsom calling on all CA bars, nightclubs, wineries, breweries to shut down for the time being. Restaurants encouraged to stay open to provide hot & prepared meals for those who don’t have access to kitchens. Social distancing highly rec. #Coronavirus

— Alexandria Hernandez (@AlexandriaHrndz) March 15, 2020

California Gov. Newsom calls for home isolation for all seniors, bars to close, restaurants to limit capacity

Stopping short of a state order, Gov. Gavin Newsom on Sunday called for the home isolation of all seniors and those who are health compromised in the state of California and the immediate shutdown of bars, nightclubs, brew pubs and wineries to help stop the spread of coronavirus, now considered a global pandemic.

In addition, Newsom said all restaurants should reduce capacity by half and provide “deep social distancing.”

At least Newsom didn’t full batshit and order everything closed.  This is only three-quarters batshit.

Can someone please explain to me how I’m supposed to get carryout from a bar? Can you get a margarita in a to-go cup?  Because I’m sure that you can buy bottled booze cheaper at a grocery or liquor store.  People go to bars for the social interaction.

As for restaurants, some might be able to hang on by their fingernails and break even on carryout, but others won’t.  For a lot of restaurants, especially higher-end small restaurants, carryout is not part of their business model.  You don’t get nice gourmet food from a sitdown restaurant to go in a plastic container.

Given that this order was driven by panic, how many people are going to rush out to get takeout anyway?

Dumping this order on restaurants with short notice is going to hurt them twice.  Not just from the lack of business but restaurants get deliveries of fresh items like fish, fruits, and vegetables, daily.  I know, my family was in the restaurant business.

Closure without warning means that restaurants have fresh items in their inventory that they cannot hold on to until the order lifts.  That stuff will go bad but the restaurant will still be required to pay for it.

Maybe, hopefully, some of these restaurants could minimize their loses by severely discounting these items for carryout or delivery through third-party services (e.g. GrubHub).

On top of this, servers, bartenders, and other non-food-prep staff, especially those who rely on tips are going to get harmed even more.  There is also the trickle-down effect, harming local distributors and the industries that support restaurants.

What this will do is horribly damage these businesses for some time, and it might make a few go under.

It seems that in the rush to prevent the spread of Coronavirus, governments have decided to utterly devastate the small business restaurant economy.

Update:

Add New York City to the list:

#Breaking from Mayor de Blasio of NYC: ”Tomorrow, I will sign an Executive Order limiting restaurants, bars and cafes to food take-out and delivery. Nightclubs, movie theaters, small theater houses, and concert venues must all close." Takes effect Tuesday, March 17.

— Alexis Christoforous (@AlexisTVNews) March 16, 2020

There are about 27,000 restaurants in NYC.

What are theaters, nightclubs, and every other business that can’t do carryout supposed to do?

Mark my words, Coronavirus is going to end up doing more damage to the economy of NYC than 9/11.