https://t.co/QHH6S1rRJC pic.twitter.com/DDc79f5R53
— Michelle Goldberg (@michelleinbklyn) January 28, 2022
J.kb’s Killdozer and Woodchipper Emporium is now selling tar kettles and feathers.
When your school board decides to mandate permanent N95 masking of kindergarteners, nothing indicates your objection like a good tar and feathering.
Our tar kettles and feathers come in three sizes, a five, nine, and fifteen member boards. If your board has in between, just purchase the next size up and return the unused feathers for a partial refund.
If you mention this add, you can get 50% of a rail to run them out of town on.
Are your kettles rated for asphalt and bitumen as well as tar? Local availability issue …
And, are your feathers renewable sourced and guaranteed not to run afowl of federal laws regarding feather possession?
Asking for an acquaintance of a friend…
Like I’ve been saying: permanent state of emergency is permanent. The emergency measures must continue until no one gets sick again, for any reason, ever.
The aseptic capital city of the 25th-Century Mongol Empire in the Buck Rogers comics is the new standard.
I’d like to order a five-member board package…
How about a line of lampost-fruit harvesting products?
Strange Fruit™ Lamp Posts.
Ah, harvesting… suddenly Heather Alexander’s song “Stormbringer” comes to mind.
That would be on aisle 7 next to the “Vlad the Impaler” fun packs…
don’t forget to superglue N95 masks to the relevant individuals, to make sure they follow their own rules
Dear Sir:
Have you considered offering horse whips as well at your most excellent emporium? These would be useful for horsewhipping said School Board members through the Public Square.
Your attention to this matter would be most gratefully appreciated.