A man has been ‘stoned to death’ by a group of “rogue” monkeys who threw bricks at him from a tree, according to reports.
Dharampal Singh, 72, suffered head and chest injuries in the attack and was later pronounced dead in hospital.

Man, 72, killed by group of aggressive “rogue” monkeys throwing bricks at him from tree

I was going to make a series of jokes about this incident, but apparently hyper-aggressive monkeys attacking humans is a real thing in India.

Deadly attacks by monkeys have been on rise throughout the country and wildlife experts say that rhesus macaques are usually to blame – although it is not clear which breed attacked Mr Singh.

Back in 2007 the deputy mayor of India’s capital of Delhi died after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

SS Bajwa suffered serious head injuries when he fell from the first-floor terrace of his home on trying to fight them off.

I don’t think the authorities know what to properly do:

In a bid to curb the monkey problem the city ’employed’ larger, more ferocious langur monkeys to go after the smaller groups of Rhesus macaques.

If you have a gator problem, you don’t bring Godzilla to fix it. Bu that is just me.

Culling is seen as unacceptable to devout Hindus, who revere the monkeys as a manifestation of the monkey god Hanuman, and often feed them bananas and peanuts.

Great, we have a bunch of Vegans being assholes and attacking people. So, India’s Portland?

Pawan Sharma, founder of Resqink Association for Wildlife Welfare (RAWW), told VICE : “Monkeys in the cities is not the actual problem. It’s the human errors that have led to an increase in monkey population.

What errors? No free contraceptives for female monkeys? No free condom distribution for boy monkeys?

“This will make us a laughing stock.”

Embrace the suck.

Hat Tip Keith G.