This animation making righteous fun of IDPA is doing the rounds around assorted gun blogs and forums.

I had a good laugh and most anybody that shoots IDPA also had a good old chuckle. Unfortunately, reading the comments in some of the blogs, you realize that the ButtHurt Boyz wasted no time in denouncing IDPA as the Evil of all Evils in the Shooting World. Sort of the old “IDPA will kill you in real life”  meme you found in the forums some years back. That people in our culture would actually snipe at a shooting sport is something I still cannot wrap my brain around.

This “Fuddish” attitude is baffling. What reasons would anybody have to perversely attack anything that bring people to shoot and sponsors camaraderie and interest in improving skills? Mostly can be explained by the two main class of attackers to the sport: Dumb Instructors and Cowards.

The Dumb Instructor is the guy who opens a Ultra Ninja Tactical School after he served a tour distributing MREs in some third rate National Guard unit or were members to the Meter Maid Tactical Team Towing Team in a somewhat major urban community. They wear lots of Under Armor, 5.11 and Oakley stuff, sport a butch cut and look tough for the students. Their classes consist in rehashing what the they saw on a Clint Smith video and read in a couple of Gabe Suarez books. These people resent IDPA for two reasons: 1) IDPA is an affordable way to practice some basic handgun skills compared to the high three digit and even four digit amounts of money they demand for their fake classes thus hitting them in the pockets. 2) They probably attended a couple of matches where they got absolutely burned by some 60 year old with a exceedingly protruding belly and a bad knee in both speed and accuracy and they resent the shit out of the fact.

The Cowards tend to be those who are simply too scared to risk being embarrassed by a bad performance in front of other people or having proclaimed to the world their “badness”, do not wish anybody to know most of their “badness” is based in static range practice or XBox scores. Or in a moment of weakness they actually participated in a match and the total time for the match was scored in weeks rather than seconds with points down equaling the Stock Market crash of the 1920’s. So rather than admit they need to improve, It becomes much safer for their ego to criticize from afar and echo the complaints of the Dumb Instructors than actually have the balls to step into Position One, wait for the timer’s beep and actually shoot under pressure match after match.

The only ones I will not criticize are those who actually do not find the sport appealing and choose some other form of shooting to have fun. If you have attended an IDPA match and simply not found it to your liking, God Bless and I hope you are shooting in a activity you truly love. I am not a fan of Cowboy Action Shooting or IPSC but I cannot bring myself to say anything bad about them because they are fellow shooters doing their part and I admire them for it. Besides, have you seen CAS shooters reloading & shooting their shotguns? Suckers are damn good, you need a Class III gun and lots of ammo to face them somewhat evenly.

I was going to finish with a long list of notable and knowledgeable people who actually compete and promote IDPA, but I had enough for today. I leave you instead with a quote by some unimportant instructor that nobody knows:

” If you worry about shooting a match and “Oh My God! I’ll never get over it if I come in dead last,” consider you are pretty close to the one in a million people who is willing to test their skills at this. If you ever do come dead last, you still came out ahead of a few hundred thousands of people who thought they were cool but didn’t have the guts to get out there and test themselves like you just did.”

Massad Ayoob on IDPA

Not a single TactiCool School I know of teaches you for this eventuality:

Resident Eduardo Monteagudo said he witnessed the attack. “He was cooking and the monkey got on his shoulder and when he saw it, he tried to hit it and it bit him on the ear,” he said

The attacker eventually surrendered to authorities and will face a Florida Wildlife Monkey Judge. OK I don’t know if we have one of those but the way things work in Florida, I wouldn’t be surprised.

So, what do you use for a Home Invasion by monkey? I’d say shotgun with #6 for close range work.

Nifty page found by accident. An ‘ear” opener.

Keep in mind that conversational speech is approximately 60-65 dB, and the threshold of pain is considered to be 140 dB. According to Dr. William Clark, Ph.D. senior research scientist in charge of the NOISE LABORATORY at the Central Institute for the Deaf in St. Louis, the damage caused by one shot from a .357 magnum pistol, which can expose a shooter to 165 dB for 2msec, is equivalent to over 40 hours in a noisy workplace.

Or 3 seconds next to any Rice Burner banging Rap next to you at a stop light.

1) It is my Reasoned Discourse and I’ll cry wolf if I want to.

2) When proved I am wrong, deny, belittle or ignore.

3) When painted into a logical corner, accuse my “painter” of being violent and claim to be threatened. Ban him from the blog.

4) “Coming to a compromise” means I get everything I want.

5) When in doubt just say “I don’t accept it.”

6) It is morally superior to be an unarmed victim of violent crime.

7) It is immoral to defend yourself or your family with a gun, unless you are anti-gun.

8 ) Data is flexible. Bend it to my needs.

9) Above all remember: you are dealing with uncouth rednecks that hump their sisters and live in trailer parks. Be kind because they are not as smart as you.

During 2009, we Evil, Stupid and Uncivilized Americas bought the staggering amount of 14 million firearms. According to Joan Peterson’s Rules Of Reasoned Discourse, we should be running a high rate of crime or at least a small civil war-type casualty rate. But here comes the FBI to screw things up: According to the latest crime data, Violent Crime once again keeps going down. Murders dropped 7.1 percent in the first six months of 2010 while robberies decreased by 10.7 percent. Reports of vehicle thefts also dropped by 9.7 percent.

I can see Joan right now closing her eyes, covering her ears and going LA-LA-LA a top of her lungs.

Hat tip to Six at The Warrior Class.

They feel solid and lethal. Thor’s Hammer come down from Valhalla and taken mortal form. Plastic can’t even be used on a holster for one much less the actual gun. It’ll melt in pure shame upon the simple touch of a true big bore revolver.

Leather is the only accoutrement they need and whole cows are often necessary to craft one.

And that pretty much sums it up.

I find myself attracted to .357s, Mostly because the first revo I played with was a S&W Model 13 owned by a thoughtful roommate who never had a problem loaning it to me whenever I had the urge to hear big bangs. Six would probably not consider the .357 as a big cartridge, but it is my blog and the Model 13 was my first wheelie mistress and you don’t forget those.

Also back then, I remember seeing Tennessee State Troopers wearing a S&W .357 and they looked mean, efficient and not to mess with. You simply did not screw around. If a TN Trooper got behind you and lighted you up, you pulled over, turned off your car, rolled down the windows and put your hands behind your head while praying that you did not end up eating pavement. Unlike their brethren in Georgia, Tennessee State Troopers did not pull you over for inconsequential crap like going 110 mph in a 55 mph, no sirree! If you were pulled over, you either made some really stupid shit or looked like the guy who just raped a bunch of nuns, stole the poor box of the local catholic church and you were 5 seconds away from meeting St. Peter and getting your heavenly or hellish marching orders.

Back to the Wheelguns. The first .44 magnum I shot was a Ruger Super Blackhawk owned by my ex-brother in law. As a good Southern Boy, he had the City Boy one afternoon playing with heavy recoil weapons which included a .50 cal muzzleloader and a shotgun chambered for 3″ shooting magnum loads. It was the standard case of “Let’s see if we can send him home with a busted nose just for fun.” That I was twice his weight and not recoil shy was a surprise for him and he was a bit miffed when I turned out to be more accurate…with his guns. I think I went through 100 rounds shooting at plastic gallon jugs 75 yards down range and hitting one in five. It was fun fun fun and loved the cartridge for the amount of damage it could inflict even at that distance.

What would I buy for Big Wheelie Bang? A Freedom Arms Casull .454 because it looks mean as a gang of drunk bikers but it looks refined as a Southern Belle… come to think about it, a Southern Belle can be refined as a queen and mean as a biker, but that is a matter between my wife and myself.

My second would be a BFR .44 Magnum “Shorty” Revolver.I am making the decision on looks only, I have no idea about the quality of the gun, but it sure looks impressive.

Big Magnum guns must NOT look like pansies and the “Shorty” looks all mean and business. Shooting this four incher at retention distances will not only take care of an attacker, but I’d guess it will set his clothing on fire too.

And yes, it is because a movie that I would choose the .475 Wildey. Besides I need to get something other than single action revolvers, right?

Plus, if you are going to deviate from the altar of big wheelies, you cannot do it with a Justin Bieber plastic gun. You need something that says portable artillery and look good as Charles Bronson while you are it.

And to return to the Wheelies and close the list, I have to go modern with the 500 S&W Alaskan, A.K.A The Hand Nuke.

I’ve shot exactly 3 rounds out of a 500 S&W. It was at a sanctioned IDPA match and the only smart thing I did that day was to shoot the Hand Nuke after I finished the match. As I said before, I am not recoil sensitive, but the 500 S&W made me go ouchie! and left me tingly both in muscles and feelings of “I Must Have”.  This revolver does not pack a punch, it packs the punch. Velocipartors tremble at the sight of this caliber and ship rather scuttle on their own rather than feel the consequences of this round. OK, so I am waxing it a bit too thick, but you get the idea.

And wondering away from the Wheelie path again, I must have the big brother of the 500 S&W Alaskan: The the Bighorn Armory 500 S&W Mag Lever Action Rifle.

Now all I need is to hit the PowerBall. Somehow the plain old Florida Lotto wouldn’t be enough.