Month: February 2017

Pre-Church Humor: Catholic Terminology.

Catholic Terminology

AMEN – the only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN – Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR – A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER – A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN – A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN – The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE – Holy Smoke!

JESUITS – An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH – The original “Jaws” story.

JUSTICE – When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI – The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER – Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. Holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW – A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION – The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL – The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS – People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

USHERS – The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.

Thanks to Dave P.

The Emasculation of Britain: Terrifying arsenal of weapons found!

 

This arsenal of firearms is among the dozens of weapons that have been taken off London’s streets during the Met’s latest gun amnesty.Since Monday 45 weapons have been surrendered across the capital as part of the Give Up Your Gun campaign, including shotguns, revolvers, rifles and handguns, Scotland Yard said.

Source: Terrifying arsenal of weapons among dozens seized in Met’s gun amnesty | London Evening Standard

Here is a bigger picture of the ” Terrifying” arsenal:

Click to enlarge

Maybe they were ‘terrifying” back in the late 1800s when they actually worked. I am betting maybe one works. I am not sure, but one of the cap & ball revolvers may not function properly. The “Peacemaker” looks like a modern non-firing replica.

The one in the far right is some sort of British percussion Pepperbox revolver. but I can’t be sure if it is original or it has been modified. It seems to have a cover around the barrels missing. If you know the guns’ make and model, feel free to share in the comments.