I guess this list was missing from my Welcome package. Those from Florida will find some of the advice familiar; other advice, specially the polite-related ones will be totally new: It is OK, you will adapt soon enough.
1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
3. Remember: “Y’all” is singular. “All y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive.
4. Get used to the phrase, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.” And the collateral phrase, “You call this hot? Wait’ll August.”
5. Don’t tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
6. If you think it’s too hot, don’t worry. It’ll cool down—in November.
7. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
8. If someone says they’re “fixin” to do something, that doesn’t mean anything’s broken.
9. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
10. If you are driving a slower moving vehicle, on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder. That is called “courtesy.”
11. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
12. Yes, weddings, funerals, and divorces must take into account for UT Football games.
13. Everything is better with Ranch dressing.
14. DO NOT honk your horn at us to be obnoxious. We will sit there until we die.
15. We pull over and stop for funerals and emergency vehicles to pass.
16. We respect the flag and the national anthem.
17. In most instances, “Bless your heart,” is a nice way of saying you’re an idiot.
18. No mater what kind—Sprite, Coke, Pepsi, Mountain Dew—it isn’t called soda or pop. It is all called “coke.”
19. We throw our hands up at random strangers passing by. It’s normal.
20. There will always be a tractor on the two lane when you are running late, so allow time for that.
21. Sweet tea is a food group.
22. Yonder IS a word.
23. If you don’t like the weather in Tennessee, wait 15 minutes, it will change.
7. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
Around here (Sevier County), Toyota trucks (made in Texas) are quite popular – even with people who grew up here. Haven’t seen any Mercedes trucks at all – not even the mil-surp type.
9. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
Oh, yes.
10. If you are driving a slower moving vehicle, on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder. That is called “courtesy.”
What’s this “shoulder” thing? Usually takes me a couple of miles to find a place I can pull over without rolling my car or hitting a tree. I’m working on memorizing the locations of safe turnouts.
22. Yonder IS a word.
I’ve been using it since I was a kid, back in California… where it wasn’t a word. Not sure whether I picked it up from older literature or from Pogo.
1. You can, as Mrs B. points out, embrace modern approaches: the can of bacon grease can live in the fridge, not on the counter.
2. Be sure to buy them beers afterwards. Common courtesy, y’know.
5. Unless you follow up with “The way it’s done here is better.”
9. Welcome to New Mexico. 🙂
20. And wave to the tractor driver; he might be one of the guys with the tow chain.
From recent experience:
Get used to the mountains, switchbatchs, and 90 degree curves on the highway if you want to go anywhere.
Oh, yes.
We had relatives drop by recently. They’re from a flat state with the roads laid out in a rectilinear grid.
East TN was quite the experience for them. No, distance as the crow flies is not a thing. Try as the cow meanders. Allow extra time.
Neighbors had a bunch of family visit last year, from FL… similar experience, plus they were worried about all the bears, hillbillies, and suchlike.
Oh I got a good belly laugh about the honking rule. Got honked at once when I was going to leave work for lunch and didn’t quiet get out of my parking space fast enough for Mrs Speedy. Pulled right back into the space and decided that I could skip lunch and have a nice nap in the sun instead. Her rage sustained me better than any food could have.