Many many years ago a judge in Wisconsin ruled that a rapist animal was not guilty because of the clothes that the victim was wearing. He blamed the victim.

“She had it coming!” is no excuse at all. Neither is “He had it coming.” True victims should never take the blame for what happens to them.

Unfortunately there are way to many people that would prefer to push responsibility for their safety onto others. Onto strangers, and I don’t mean law enforcement. They want the responsibility for their safety to rest on the animals and monsters that prowl our world.

The animal that was sexually abusing his step daughters got up in court and told the world that the victims wanted him to do it, that they came on to him. That he was the victim. He’s still the animal. They are not to blame for what was done to them.

The left screams “Teach your boys not to rape women!” As if that wasn’t already happening. My parents taught me that and they didn’t mention the word “rape.” It was “If she says ‘no’ or doesn’t want to then don’t start or stop now.”. She gets to say yes before anything happens. My sons know this rule. But it falls into the same rules for being good men. It isn’t something special.

Unfortunately there are a small number of animals that inflict a great deal of harm in our society. They are looking for victims, they are looking for the weak, they are looking to take without regard to the harm they will do. You can’t teach an animal to be good men. They are past that.

Depending on good men to teach good boys “Don’t rape” is never going to address the animals out there.

The only way to stop an animal that rapes or murders is to put it down or put it in a cage.

But victims are selected. To deny this is to become a potential victim.

When I was at University there were multiple rapists. There was one particular path from the center of campus to the dorms that went through a bit of woods. After the second victim in that area the university started telling all women to avoid that path after dark. The cops increased their patrolling of that area.

And young women wearing pretty clothes would still take that path after dark because it was shorter and faster. They didn’t catch that rapist. Not after the third women he raped. Not after the forth or fifth. The victim count was around eight, reported when the rapes stopped. Winter came, the rapes on that path stopped and didn’t start back in the spring. The cops didn’t catch him.

His victims were trusting in the goodness of good men and delivered themselves to an animal.

My wife knows the Chicago area. When coming back from Wisconsin my GPS (before Miss Google) routed me through the south side of Chicago. I didn’t know any better. Two white women and a white dude in an expensive SUV. It was a bad choice on my part. I should have listened to my wife to be.

I put us in a dangerous place and wasn’t aware of it. I was situationally aware but I should have made the strategic choice to avoid the area instead of being prepared to respond in a tactical way.

If you don’t want to be a victim, don’t act like prey.

Years ago my boss and I were making a run down through DC to his friends business to pick up a cash loan. My boss was not a situationally aware sort of dude. We ran out of gas and barely made it to the off ramp. The way towards the center of town was blocked. We went the other way.

Boss is dressed in loud Hawaiian shirt. I’m being as gray as possible but it is hard with him standing beside me. He is oblivious. I have my head on a swivel. We’re looking for a gas station. We walk past a massive building surrounded with a tall brick fence. With glass embedded on the top. It was a mental hospital.

And all the time he’s jingling his coins in his pocket. He’s practically screaming “Rob us! Rob us!”

We get to a gas station, there are a bunch of teens hanging out there. The attendant is behind bullet proof glass. We buy a gallon of gas from the teens who provide a gallon jug. We get a taxi back to the foot of the off ramp and get the van gassed up. But we don’t have enough gas to get anywhere.

And my boss has gone from scared and nervous to the king of the castle. He decides to go back to the same gas station to get gas. We get there and one of the teens runs up and offers to pump the gas. My boss reaches into his shirt pocket and hads the kid a $100 bill. The kid gives it to the attendant and the kid then pumps the gas. When the tank is full, back when gas cost a $1.50/gal, my boss asks for his change. When he doesn’t get it he wants to get out of the van and make a scene.

My boss was in the process of becoming a victim. He had just flashed real dollars, peeling a $100 off a roll of bills. And he wanted to get out of the van to get his change.

I told him. “Don’t you dare. You aren’t get out of the van. Just drive away and consider this a cheap leason.”

It took me more than an hour to explain to him all of the bad things that were going on as we walked to the station. Of what those teens were doing hanging there. He was oblivious to the danger we were in.

Victims become victims by putting themselves in harms way more often than not.

They are not aware of the situation they put themselves in. They are not aware of the signals they give off. They aren’t aware of the prizes they advertise.

Victim Selection

The next time you are out and about and have the mental cycles to spare, look around you and try and think like a predator. Look for the victim. You will find them. It isn’t hard.

Victim selection starts with location. You are looking for somebody that is in an isolated place or where they can be taken into an isolated place.

You are looking for a place where the crime can be done and not interrupted.

Once you’ve found the location you are looking for your victim. You are looking for somebody that looks like prey. Their head is down, not paying attention. They are drawn in on themselves. Or they are so invested in what’s on their phone they have no situational awareness.

You are looking for a victim that has what you want. That could be a big wallet or it could be a pretty woman or a child.

Mostly you are looking for a victim that isn’t going to know you are upon them until it is to late and who is unlikely to respond in any meaningful way.

Don’t Be Prey

If you are a woman, keep your head up and out of your phone if you are walking. Know what is happening around you. Avoid dangerous places and dangerous groups. It is better to be jeered at for crossing the road than to try and walk through a gang of strangers.

Make your moves early. Don’t look at your feet. Don’t just look a few yards in front of you. Know what is happening in the next 100 yards. Change your path if you need to before you are near. Don’t make it look like you just noticed and are moving in fear. Move with a purpose and make your choices early.

Make a plan and keep updating it. If they cross the street I’m going to go into that store. Ok, I’m coming up on that store and they haven’t crossed the street, if they cross I’ll go into that store just up there.

Keep a plan running at all times. Make your decisions before the trigger happens. Don’t be surprised. You’ve already made the decision before it happened so you don’t have to decide now. ACT on your plan.

Don’t advertise your valuables. As a women you are valuable to animals in three ways. The goods, the valuables you have with you. They fun/pleasure of rape. The value of you as a sex slave.

Don’t advertise your valuables! If you are going the the symphony and are dressed up, don’t park a half mile away in the skeeze side street and start walking with your diamond bracelet and pearls glinting in the street light in your $300 dollar shoes. Yes you are safe to advertise in the safety of the symphony, but that safety evaporates if you move into a bad location.

If you are going partying and are going out in your pretty black dress, go for it! Don’t sneak out into the back alley for a smoke where it is dark and isolated. And certainly don’t do it if you are under the influence of anything.

Don’t advertise where you are going to be. If somebody is looking for you, don’t tell them where you are or where you are going to be. Remember that sharing something with your 1000 closes friends on FB is the same as telling all your enemies as well.

There is a difference between telling your FB friends “We’re going to go partying when my BFF gets some time off!” and “BFF and I are in the Uber on the way to Club Rohypnol! See you all there!”

Dudes, this might be hard to hear but you can be victims too. We all can. Everything I said above applies to us to. You shouldn’t be flashing your roll of hundreds. Stay out of skeeze locations. Be prepared to pay for safer parking. Keep your head on a swivel. Have a plan that is being updated constantly. Make your choices before you have to make a decision.

Be safe!

What would you add as advise to people that insist on being prey?

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By awa

12 thoughts on “Blaming The Victim”
  1. Hhhmm you covered it pretty good. I am a service tech for a big orange box store. I walk into the stores dragging a Milwaukee packout on wheels. It rumbles, Im a big clumsy knuckle draggin neanderthol… I regularly can get with in SIX inches of people ( women AND men) before they know Im there. People have zero awareness of whats around them. Its they same when driving, very little awareness. I sometimes will play the “bad guy” when im waiting for my wife shopping. I had a pretty younger gal park 2 spaces away from me and she saw me when she pulled in. Gave me a long hard look. When she got out another hard look. Walking away she glanced at me… I thought “THIS one gets it”. When she came back i got a nice smile from her.. I was talking with a friend, hes a combat vet(Iraq). I told him I always am aware of my surroundings. Condition yellow..he says, “ Im not going to live paranoid. ????!!???. Huh? I told him being aware isnt paranoid- fore warned is fore armed..

  2. I don’t understand the “parents should teach boys not to rape” line of thought.

    Yes, it’s true. Absolutely.

    But doesn’t society teach that by sending the police after rapists and putting them in prison?

    How much stronger of a lesson is there than that?

    Hypothetically, if that campus rapist didn’t know what he was doing was wrong, why didn’t he stop as soon as campus police started patrolling for him?

    Clearly, there is something more to it than “he didn’t know it was wrong because nobody told him that.”

    1. It’s a popular excuse in some circles, though. I remember it a couple of years ago, when prosecutors violated their duty to provide exculpatory material to the defense. The judge waved it off with the excuse that “they had not been specifically told that this specific act was illegal.”

  3. I can and will blame the victim, depending on the circumstances. Let me illustrate:
    My ex lived on a dead end street when we were dating.
    The cross/through street had stop signs in both directions, the dead end street did not have a stop sign. (in this state, yield was implied at T intersections.) As you can imagine, the cross traffic stopped about 15% of the time, but rolled right through (often at speed) the majority of the time.
    Because there was no stop sign facing the ex, they just pulled out into the intersection without checking for cross traffic. “They are supposed to stop. If I get hit it will be their fault.”
    .
    So, yes… I will blame the victim if they knowingly place themselves into dangerous, life threatening situations.
    .
    I will blame a rape victim IF they are one of the “teach men not to rape, and I can wear whatever I want, wherever I want to, and the man is a fault if they stare at my ass/boobs.” I will blame the mugging victim if they walk around a seedy neighborhood wearing flashy jewelry, and flaunting wads of cash. I will blame the assault victim if they go into a drug house alone.
    .
    There are plenty of reasons to blame the victim, especially if the victim takes action they reasonably should know will result in high risk.

    1. Because there was no stop sign facing the ex, they just pulled out into the intersection without checking for cross traffic. “They are supposed to stop. If I get hit it will be their fault.”

      Yes, it will be their fault. But if they T-bone your driver side and you end up in chronic injury pain and/or a wheelchair for life, their insurance will cover only a very small part of that — and that’s only the financial aspect; they won’t do crap about the loss of your future life experiences or your ability to support yourself. Sure, you could sue for extra damages, but any court trial is a crap-shoot; they could decide that insurance already covered it, and you’re entitled to nothing else (plus, see previous statement about loss of future life experiences).

      And that’s if you survive; if you die in that wreck, “their fault” won’t bring you back.

      We teach our kids “defensive driving”. Never assume the other driver will stop at the stop sign or red light, or will turn when they signal (or will signal a turn). Wait to see it happen before you act on it.

      In fact, we teach these principles to our non-driving-age kids, too; when car meets bicyclist or pedestrian, car wins every time. Ergo, those same “defensive driving” principles apply when we’re riding bikes or walking. In short, never blindly assume the driver sees you or will do what they’re supposed to do.

      Regardless of who’s at fault and has to pay, the best accident is the one you’re not in.

      1. There ya go being a PARENT again!..
        Its called raising children and personal responsibility. We the People get it, well said Sir

  4. CBMTTek, I do see your point.
    .
    The typical “blaming the victim” discussion typically degenerates into a completely non-nuanced, binary view of things. As in, one can either have the victim OR the attacker fully at fault and the other must therefore be held blameless. In reality, one party can be fully in the wrong (say, a rapist, or those blowing through a stopsign) while the other party does in fact do things that make their probability of being a victim higher … such as not looking when approaching a cross-street. Bottom line for me is, while we can work towards making the world better, we have to live in it as it is, not as how it should be. If I don’t recognize that fundamental truth I’m far more likely to get hurt.
    .
    In the case of the very-tattooed girl at the start of the article, what’s not clear here is when she would be killing her would-be rapist. While he’s attempting the act? Or three years later when she hunts him down and firebombs his house?
    .
    I’m not going to get into the subject of cultures that believe things like rape are the victim’s fault – or the man’s right – except to say I want no part of them.

  5. You covered it pretty well.

    One thing I would add — in addition to, “Put down your phone and look around” — is, “On social media, post your memories, not your plans.”

    You touched on that (“BFF and I are in the Uber on the way to Club Rohypnol! See you all there!”), but I’d go deeper. Don’t post that you’re going out for the night, or taking the family to Florida for two weeks. What’s liable to happen, is someone will see that and know that your house is a safe target for burglary and the crime won’t be discovered until they’re long gone.

    Or worse — especially but not exclusively for the ladies — they’ll know that your house is a low-risk place to set up an ambush. Whether their goal is sexual assault/rape or abduction/trafficking, that triple-locked door will not help you if an attacker broke the back window while you were out — which he knew you would be, because you told him when you posted your outing on social media — and is waiting down the hall for you to lock it and let your guard down.

    You want to post on social media about your experience? Knock yourself out. But please, for your own safety, do so after the fact.

    1. I’ve had that discussion with Mrs. B. Once. She “got it” immediately. (I married so well…)

        1. Oh, no drinking. Just a motorcycle ride and a date at the range. Which did not go at all well until she tried my new-to-me 1911.
          .
          .
          I still miss that gun. At least she lets me shoot it occasionally.

          1. I know the feeling, I bought a new pickup she didn’t want. Until she drove it. I had to buy myself a car. Used. Cheap. ;-))

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