Some years ago, a group of online friends would get together and bet on the Oscar Winners. We don’t do it anymore mostly because we went our separate cyber ways but also because they hated me. I was pretty good at guessing who the winners would be but what really made my buddies mad was the fact that I never saw the movies to begin with. I just guessed by their themes and their political inclination.

This year I would have missed big. Really big. These were my guesses:

Best Movie

Avatar: Great PC story but Hollywood hates giving Oscars to animated characters. Nothing much they can do with them, no juicy stories behind the scenes and they only come out when the animators allow. Not a chance.

The Blind Side: White woman in charge of Black Kid? No way no how! You racist Pig!

District 9: Apartheid is dead even if it is aliens. You are so last two decades. If it was something to do with Global Warming killing poor aliens, maybe. Again Animated (computer) characters are a no go.

An Education: Nobody saw this movie and the DVD sent to Academy members was used as coaster by many. If somebody knows what the movie is about, let us know

The Hurt Locker: Rehashing The Deer Hunter with explosives? Nah.. pass. (Humble Pie eaten in quantities and I actually saw this movie in PPV before the Oscars. not that good IMHO)

Inglourious Basterds: Quentin movies are like a Naughty boyfriend/girlfriend. Good for fun but you don’t bring him out to the Fifth Avenue parties or he will embarrass you

Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire. Winner winner chicken dinner! Handicapped minority with poverty issues? If you add a funky artistic thing (like a painting left foot) this movie will collect Oscars for the next three years.

A Serious Man: Who? Oh! Thirty Something movie version but without anything interesting.

Up: Again the animated character thing. No dice.

Up in the Air: Again the animated character thing. No, wait. This is Clooney. His time has passed and charm has faded. Now he looks like the middle age uncle that thinks he can pick chicks up like he did in his 20’s.

Actor in a Leading Role

Jeff Bridges: Replaying Robert Duvall’s character in Tender Mercies but without the religious thing. I Like Jeff so I give him my throw away vote for the Oscar but I doubt he will win.

George Clooney: Charm is gone. He’ll flash a big insincere smile when somebody else gets the Oscar.

Colin Firth: Who?

Morgan Freeman: Mandela? Oh yes! He doesn’t even have to say a word to win it. In the era of Obama, who will dare to vote against mandela? (Humble Pie)

Jeremy Renner: Cartoon character even if real. Movie was not that good.

Actress in a Leading Role

Sandra Bullock: I love Sandra. Contrary to popular opinion she can do serious roles.  28 days was enough for me. My favorite but not in the cards for her.

Helen Mirren: Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z!

Carey Mulligan: I think the Brit stuff is overplayed. No chance for an unknown on a overkilled series.

Gabourey Sidibe: Will you dare to deny her of the Oscar? You Racist!!!!

Meryl Streep: Chill girl, you have enough accolades and you did not play a handicapped nutjob stewing rabbits while deciding which man to love while your kid was eaten by dingoes.

As you can see I was WAY off this year. Great for Sandra though. She can do anything in a movie. There is always next year.