1. What have you learned, Grasshopper?

2. Mom gets an Oscar!

3. My mom’s favorite was a wood paint stirrer, mostly because they were free. Then one day she got a plastic one. It had speed holes, so it whistled as she swung it. Which was a little disturbing. But the worst part was that the plastic ones didn’t break. So whereas you might get two or three whacks before the wood ones broke, she would get a good four or five in with the plastic one before she stopped because her wrist hurt. You can probably guess how I know that and why it’s still burned into my memory 30+ years later.

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4. I just spewed covfefe thru my nose!

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5. “hey! Show me.”

6. Mom to Dad: “Hold my beer.”

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7. The ending is what you see when you look up “smack the taste clean out of your mouth” in the dictionary.

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