Again stealing some minutes of time from mom’s hospital room.

These are the kind of times it sucks to be a pessimist: Although you are told by the Guys and Girls in White that the condition is reversible (caveats apply), you have the suspicion they are giving you an unicorn photons’ enema. Add to that a freindly visit from the county’s social services person offering all kinds of advice and help-at-home and I do not exactly feeling like painting a pink future. We will see when we get there.

It is “funny” how some things disappear and how some are dug in deep. For a while she knew that I was a friendly person, but could not recognize me as her son but recognized my wife. And it is always a Trojan war to get her to releve herself in bed and she demands going to the bathroom or death to her enemies. I guess potty training goes DNA deep.

Speaking of enemies, depending on her level of clarity, I am her worst if we go by the looks and words I get because I don’t follow her wishes.

And I will admit that it hurts like a white-hot brandon iron. I steel myself to ignore it and let it flow because this is not a rational human being with hurtful intentions in front of you but mom suffering a mental issue and I am responsible for her health and recovery.

But you also have to be a cold asshole sometimes, because mental issues or not, she will pull a fast one and hurt herself. I was keeping watch and falling asleep when she asked me to relax and close my eyes, she was going to take a nap hetself. I did so and I sort of slumbered to be awaken by the nurse’s asking Mom what was she doing: She had ripped her IV, the wire harness they plug you to the machines and had already one leg off then bed on her way to a faceplant or worse. She is now pissed off as a soaked hen because she is in restrains and I don’t bow to her begging now even that as a son I want to please her.

It is 1AM+ and even though she has an Ambien on top, she is fighting her restrains because she can. And of course, I can’t sleep because she is moving and groaning and talking to herself and I am trying to check on changes.

OK, enough whining. I am posting from my phone via the WordPress App and a mini bluetooth keyboard so pardon me for le lack of spellchecking and other fails.

And thank you all for the best wishes. They are truthfully appreciated.

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By Miguel.GFZ

Semi-retired like Vito Corleone before the heart attack. Consiglieri to J.Kb and AWA. I lived in a Gun Control Paradise: It sucked and got people killed. I do believe that Freedom scares the political elites.

11 thoughts on “Down the road of Delirium”
  1. Bro, I wish I knew something to say that would help. I can somewhat relate to the feeling of seeing a loved on in restraints, as my late, beloved wife had tp be in them for several days after some surgeries because it is natural – even if you are unconscious – to wnat foreign articles off of ror out of you – nasogastric tubes, ventilator tubes, IVs, whatever. All I can say is hang in there, remember to take NOTHING personally if she acts mean or scared… just remember the person who gave you life, and try to love and overlook. Praying for you.

  2. I wish there were words that could help, but it’s a terrible situation to be in. It’s tough to have grace at these times, but she needs it.

    Prayers for you.

  3. Miguel, for what it’s worth, at times she might not realize it but she’s incredibly lucky to have you as a son. There are those who wouldn’t be there at all.

    Whatever the outcome, you will have been there for her.

    God bless.

  4. I can feel your pain almost literally. I helped my mother go thru the same thing with HER mom and it sucked as she didn’t recognize us for the last 2 years. I am currently dealing with a brother in law who has a super severe depression coupled with some psychosis that has been tearing us apart since March. it isn’t to the point that he doesn’t recognize us, but he does crap like try and get out of bed when he can barely stand, just because. Before we took control I had police showing up at my door because he was wandering around in his underwear and no shoes ‘because he needed to stretch his legs’. We’ve had him in and out of 4 different facilities here, even had him shipped off to a super expensive inpatient place in Nashville, where he got kicked out after a month because his brain decided his legs don’t work. No physical reason, he just thinks he can’t walk.

    It is great that you understand where that is all coming from, but it doesn’t make it any easier in the moment.I will pray for you to be strong. Mom is blessed to have you as a son, be well.

  5. Just try to get through the next day, then the next. This is no longer a sprint, it is now a never ending marathon.

    It is hard, especially when you don’t know how it will resolve itself. Try to keep positive thoughts and prayers.

    Please find someone to temporarily relieve you of your vigil before you end up completely exhausted and overwhelmed. Take turns with your wife and family, even friends if they are brave enough to cover for you. Get some real rest. You and your family will need your strength.

    You and pod printer are in my prayers.

  6. My heart goes out to you, brother. My sister and I went through a lot with my mom before she entered an ALF and eventually transitioned to a nursing home. It’s been a four plus year journey for us. All I can say is the well worn platitude of “hang in there.”

    1. Words cannot express…
      My grandma, my rock in life, becoming a child – I am typing it, remembering, and cannot stop tears.
      Hang on in there

  7. My Mom has dementia and no longer recognizes me. It’s a hard road you’re starting down. I hope the folks in white are right.

  8. While not having experienced it directly myself, my mother has, and she as the primary car giver has become the bad guy much like you are feeling now so I know where you are coming from.

    Good luck and I wish you and your family the best. Issues of memory and rapidly degrading function are a mother fucker for the everyone.

  9. Miggy, thoughts and prayers from all of your followers. I lost my wife this year after a years- long illness, and the only thing that helps is knowing that she is not in pain, in heaven, with the Lord. Take solace in the promise of Heaven, and know that all of your followers are praying for your mom, your wife, and you.

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