Florida man stole laxatives thinking they were painkillers, police say

A Florida man is behind bars after stealing what he thought were Hydrocodone pills, but which turned out to actually be over-the-counter laxatives and not powerful prescription opioids, according to a criminal complaint.

Cops allege that Peter Hans Emery, 56, took the pills from a “lock box” at the victim’s Pinellas Park home Thursday morning.

The complaint lists Emery’s home address as the site of the theft itself. His relationship with the 49-year-old victim is unknown.

Emery, cops say, was recorded by a video camera “entering the victim’s lock box, selecting a pill bottle, pouring pills into his hand, and then leaving.” The pill container was labeled “Hydrocodone-Acetaminophen.”

However, Emery subsequently discovered that he had not swiped painkillers. The pill bottle actually contained dosages of Equate Gentle Laxative, which promises “predictable overnight relief” from constipation.

When Pinellas Park Police Department officers caught up with Emery Thursday night, he reportedly admitted taking the pills because he thought they were Hydrocodone.

“But he threw them away when he learned they were something else,” investigators noted.

I wonder how he figured out they were not Hydrocodone and how many he took to come to that revelation?

A quick google search shows that Equate Gentle Laxative contain Bisacodyl, which is a stimulant.  While Bisacodyl is listed as “minimally toxic” I can imagine that overdosing on it would be a pretty awful experience.

I am suddenly reminded of the funniest scene from one of my favorite, yet most underrated, Samuel L. Jackson movies, Formula 51.

This guy has a lot of priors, so he’s going back to prison for sure.  But in this case I think he may have already paid for this crime.