Having solved all major crimes in D.C.

Warning letters in hand, Zach Rybarczyk patrolled the food court at Union Station, looking for offenders.

Past Auntie Anne’s, past Johnny Rockets. At Lotus Express, a Chinese food joint, Rybarczyk peeled the wrapper from a red straw and bent the end — the telltale giveaway.


Washington has become the latest city in a nationwide movement to ban plastic straws, and it’s up to Rybarczyk, an inspector for the D.C. Department of Energy and Environment, to enforce the new law.

The straw cop left the rattled cashier at Lotus Express with a warning that if the store was still using plastic straws by July, when a grace period expires, it could be fined up to $800.

On patrol with the enforcer of D.C.’s plastic-straw ban

I spent an awful night and I just needed one nice morning to try to recover, but no, stupid reared its ugly head with green pride.

Can I go back to bed?

2 Replies to “Having solved all major crimes in D.C.”

  1. Simply wait. Another brick of prideful, arrogant pettiness in the totalitarian wall. More Normies awaken, mutter, ” This is chickenshit! “, and realize that Their Betters, the Cloud People, will stop at nothing to control them, to make their, and, more importantly, their children’s, lives more miserable. The day approaches, with increasing speed, when we go to guns.

    I believe it will be awful, that we Americans will show Sarajevo How It’s Done. I also am becoming convinced that they will not allow us to avoid it, no matter how much we wish to spare our families that horror.

    You do not have enough ammo, not enough guns, your heart is not hard enough, you do not have enough cold hearted friends.

    Neither do I

  2. Here’s what you don’t understand about running a government today: It’s all about money, so you can buy votes for the next election. Enforcing real laws and putting dangerous people in jail is expensive. (In my old job, one of our agents had to explain to a politically-appointed boss that no, we don’t get our buy money back after we make the arrest.) But assessing ridiculously large civil fines for ridiculously trivial violations is like printing money. So why not take that money you’d otherwise spend on non-cost-effective police, prosecutors, courts, and jails, and put it to use making more money, which you can use to buy the votes of the criminals you didn’t put in jail? It just makes fiscal sense!

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