The missus and myself went to Mass in remembrance of mom first anniversary of going after dad in Heaven. And yes, the good Mass is supposed to be the Midnight Mass, but I also know that it will be crowded as hell and unfortunately this church also has a school in it, so Florida law makes it a GFZ.

As expected, it was not very crowded and the Social Distancing rules applied for both masks and separation, but since the population was elderly, I really can’t fault them for taking precautions.

And they had a nice HUGE Nativity scene to boot.

But that is unrelated to the title of this post. One of the drawbacks of going to Catholic school in both elementary and high is that you end up developing a twisted sense of religious humor and a a diminished sense of awe for the whole rigmarole.  Mind you, we are not talking about being disrespectful like pissing in the chalice and play dress up with the statue of the Virgin Mary, but the occasional mental joke sometimes gets verbalized and can get misinterpreted by the feverous as sign of disrespect.

Take for instance the face masks: You no longer had to move you lips and pretend you knew the proper responses and the proper songs because half your face is properly hidden. I did find that a bit liberating to tell you the truth.

During communion, I spotted to something to the side of the altar and could not help to giggle and the first thing that came to mind:

Yes ladies and gentlemen: Holy Hand Sanitizer! the 21st century version of Holy Water! I wonder if it works on vampires. It is good to see the Holy Church improving on monster defense.

And the one that got me a firm elbow jab in the ribs from my non-Catholic spouse came to be when the father accidentally dropped a consecrated host and picked it right up. I turn to the missus and asked her if the 5-second rule applied also in cases like this. I have to say that she looked at me with a mixture of horror, resignation and acceptance before delivering the bony blow to my side.

As we left, I noticed the church had a small shop and I could not resist going in. I swear I had a major flashback to when I was a kid from seeing all the old school religious stuff: from bibles in Spanish and English to rosaries, statuettes and other knickknacks. That alone is worth a post of its own, so I will save it for now.

As I left the church, I did look up and ask the Lord to forgive me while reminding him that I did not come this way and also there was little chance I would stop finding humorous stuff in church.

I believe he cracked a laugh and forgot the whole thing.

PS: The problem when you have been married for so long is that your wife can read your mind before you finish processing the offending thought.  At the church’s shop, they were selling small jars of myrrh and frankincense  and before I could even began moving my hands towards the items, my wife whispered in a rather harsh way: “Don’t you even dare! you are not lighting that stuff inside the house!”

Yup, I am whupped.