1. Be a Kind, Caring, and Socially Aware Philanthropist and hand the bum a $5 Starbucks Gift Card. Encourage them to develop the Starbucks habit. Maybe buy a ten pack, and give them to one of the people that enable the homeless if you don’t want to hand them out face-to-face?

   Dear Peets and Caribou Coffee, It would be extremely unethical of you to do this to your nearby Starbucks competitors. Be sure to use a cut-out.

   5

2. I won’t take long, especially in the more liberal cities which have armies of homeless people and drug addicts to figure out they can hang out inside of Starbucks for no reason at all. Just wait, this will be pretty funny.

   6

3. Wanna see a magic trick? They’re going to make a well know chain disappear!

   2

   1. It will disappear from every locality that doesn’t actively chase out the homeless. So the upper- and upper-middle-class neighborhoods will still have theirs.

      2

4. … and this is the reason Starbucks will eventually go under.

   Right now, my observation is that about half the Starbucks customers make use of mobile order for fast pickup, and don’t stay anyway; those that do order in store, often are there for a l-o-n-g time. At least in our area.

   Coffee kiosks are already a thing in big parts of the country, and they have higher profit margins than the sit-down stores because – surprise surprise – they don’t have to pay for unproductive retail space.

   2

5. There’s things that I have eaten which are known to cause explosive problems.

   Starbuck’s new policy allows me to take care of those problems without buying their trademark charcoal blend!

   2

6. We call that Seattle.

   1

Comments are closed.