Not sure how to ask someone their pronouns? Or confused about what different gender terms mean?
We put together a 101 guide to common terms about gender identity, how to talk about gender respectfully — and why it matters ?https://t.co/5hwHcIxvvD
— NPR (@NPR) June 2, 2021
If someone asks me what my pronouns are I’ll just tell them they’re not smart enough for me to be talking to.
And if there’s any pushback, my pronouns are “his excellency/Lord Tater” and Loki help them if they mis-pronoun me after that.
I would apply that to anyone not competent enough in grammar to know that “they” is a plural pronoun.
(Pees on thier pant leg) Sgnt Stadinko
My preferred pronouns are: Take a guess. I am an adult, if you get it wrong, I will not be offended.
Pondering the Vorkosigan universe… on Beta Colony, adults generally wear earrings which artistically encode things like sexual orientation, relationship status, and contraception status.
Much more convenient than playing games with pronouns.
Being married nowadays, I’m no longer finding myself in the awkward situation of getting acquainted with an interesting (if rather masculine) gal and wondering whether she’s straight(-ish), anatomically female, and suchlike details. Yes, this happened multiple times over the years, but then I used to hang out with an, er, interesting crowd. I don’t think playing the pronoun game would have helped, apart from weeding out sort of freaks who make a big deal about their pronouns.
Here’s my plan: I refer to the person using pronouns based on the biological sex I believe they are (notably, this is not the way you “present”…if you have 5 o’clock shadow and a prominent “adam’s apple”, I’m using “he, him, his” regardless of how well you rock that dress you’re wearing).
If the person responds with “I’m a woman” or “I’m a man” and the contention has a reasonable potential of being true, I’ll apologize and call them by the right pronouns.
If, on the other hand they:
A) respond with “I’m a woman” or “I’m a man” and I have a reasonable suspicion that they are full of it…
B) respond with any sentence including the word “misgendering”…
C) respond with any sentence including the phrase “I identify as”…
or D) respond with any sentence including a word that ends in “phobe” or “phobic”…
…I will turn my back on them, walk away and never interact with them again.
I will not pretend you are something you’re not in order to prevent you from having a mental breakdown. That’s called “enabling” and such behavior exacerbates mental and emotional disorders rather than help resolve them.
Respond with song lyrics.
I am a Medical Reserve Corps volunteer and have been vaccinating for the Wu Flu.
I had a young “person” who, per their info, was identifying as a female while clearly being male. This person was concerned about the 6 blood clot cases of the J&J vaccine. I couldn’t come up with a non-condescending way to tell said person that it only affected biological females, so I just went ahead. 8>)
“How do I make sure I use the right pronouns for someone? And what if I mess up?”
On the first, it’s only an issue if you’re dealing with a mental/emotional child. Just ask, or take your best guess. If they’re an adult and they’re important to you, then they’ll correct you and you can adjust accordingly, and all will be well. If they’re a child, they’ll throw a fit worthy of a two-year-old who got the apple juice box they asked for instead of the grape they (apparently) really wanted. (Anyone who has or has worked with small children knows that one.)
On the second, again, if they’re an adult and important to you, adjust and all will be well. If they’re a child, then there’s no saving you — nothing short of complete and utter perfection will ever be good enough; getting it wrong even once is an unforgivable sin — so just walk away.
(Needless to say, if they’re NOT important, do what you want. I’d still be polite until it’s time to not be polite, but hey, you do you.)