Warning: this is about the grossest thing I have read in a long time.

A Bucket of Hot Diarrhea Was Randomly Poured on a Woman by a Homeless Man
“It was liquid. Hot liquid,” she said. “I was soaked. And it was coming off my eyelashes, into my eyes.”

Ewwww…. dear God no.  That is… I’m going to vomit.

A night near the Hollywood Walk of Fame would change a woman’s life, as she was getting into her car and a homeless man sprinted across Hollywood Boulevard toward her.

Heidi Van Tassel was parked in Hollywood after having a pleasant evening out with friends at an authentic Thai restaurant. Suddenly a man randomly pulled her out of the car, dragged her out to the middle of the street, and dumped a bucket of feces on her head, Van Tassel said and public records confirm.

If she was having Bangladeshi food, that would be part of the authentic experience.

“It was diarrhea. Hot liquid. I was soaked, and it was coming off my eyelashes and into my eyes,” Van Tassel said. “Paramedics who came to treat me said there was so much of it on me, that it looked like the man was saving it up for a month.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop… He had saved up a bucket of diarrhea for a month and it was still hot?  Not that I’ve ever thought I’d contemplate this, but the thermodynamics of that doesn’t make sense unless he decided to reheat it.  Why am I thinking about that?

Van Tassel was rushed to Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital after the grotesque attack, where she was tested for infectious diseases caused by contact with feces. She’ll need to be retested every three months.

I’m assuming she has all the Hepatitis.  This goes past Hep A, B, and C, this goes into D, E, and F.

Also, did the paramedics hose her off first?  I’m not an EMT but I’d assume that if they responded to someone covered in feces that they’d try to clean most of it off ASAP.

I figure that the response to a person covered in liquid shit is like a response to a chemical exposure.  Get their clothes off and get them washed down with as much clean water as you have as fast as you can.  The less time the substance stays on the body, the less harm it can do.

“It was all inside my car because it was so much. He just kept pouring it and splattering it all over me,” she said.

That car is totaled.

She said the Los Angeles Police Department told her they’d investigate the crime, but her phone calls to the department went unanswered.

San Francisco just legalized shitting on the street, so I doubt Los Angles is going to care about dumping shit on other people.  If Ms. Van Tassel wants the police and DA to care, she needs to cut a big fat check (would you call that a shit-load of money?) to the local DA and Mayor’s reelection campaigns.

Van Tassel said the police also promised to have their victims’ advocate reach out to her to offer services. She said she never got a call.

She’s a white woman who can afford to eat at a restaurant on the Walk of Fame.  She’s not a victim.  The homeless guy was just engaged in fecal redistribution to protests this woman’s sewer access privilege.  Really, she owes him reparations.

“It’s so traumatic. The PTSD that I’m dealing with is beyond anything that I’ve ever felt,” Van Tassel said. “There needs to be some kind of help for the victims of these crimes.”

If there are enough people who get assaulted by vagrants with buckets of liquid shit that there needs to be a support group for that, it’s time to nuke LA off the face of the earth and start over.

The man who attacked her, identified in court records as Jere Blessings, was charged with battery and taken to jail. Blessings was described as a transient with “schizophrenia and psychotic disorders,” records show.

Jere Blessings got help, but only for two months. He was sent by a judge to a residential facility for people with mental health issues, and released in August.

There is going to be a support group for people who get assaulted by vagrants with buckets of liquid shit by this time next year.

“He doesn’t need jail time. He needs mental health care,” Van Tassel said. “I have empathy for him. Because he needs help.”

Nope.  Dumping a bucket of liquid shit on a person should be a capital offense.  He doesn’t need help, he needs to be locking in a small room with some hydrochloric acid mixed with sodium cyanide.  Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.

Security footage from businesses nearby captured the attack, and bodycam captured the aftermath as officers responded, but the LAPD and businesses would not release the footage, even when Van Tassel asked to see it.

Thank God they won’t release the footage.

The Los Angeles City Attorney’s office said Blessings is now back in the community, which worries Van Tassel.

And me.  And everybody else in LA.

“I will never, ever, forget his face,” Van Tassel said. “What’s the next thing he’s going to do somebody? If he would’ve had a knife, for sure he would’ve stabbed me.”

Between being stabbed and having a bucket of liquid shit dumped on me, I’m taking the stabbing.

Stitches come out, Hepatitis/AIDS lasts forever.

I have read dystopian fiction that didn’t involve assaults with buckets of diarrhea.

How does a homeless person save up a bucket of diarrhea for a month without anybody noticing in a First World nation?

How does a homeless person heat up a bucket of diarrhea and carry it down a popular tourist location in one of America’s largest cities?

This is so far beyond the pale it is hard to contemplate.

All I can say is stay out of the California coast.  And when you are in your car, keep your doors locked.