Since Homeland Security has now announced that those who refuse to get microwaved by the new “whole-body imagers” will be subjected to an in deep, up close and no holds barred body search, I do hereby declare that if I can’t make the trip via land, I am not making it (Water traveling was self-verbotten many years ago when I discovered that I actually get seasick in a cruise ship tied to the dock.)

I know that the first SOB that grabs me by the boys is going to get a response that I am going to end up in Federal prison for. And if I see any male approaching my wife with intentions of placing his hands where I know I have absolute rights of Fondling (other then her Ob-Gyn), such male will be used as a test for “Can you use a Boeing 747 turbine as Cuisinart and create TSA Salsa?”

Why do I get the feeling that every sexual pervert not in the NICS system is suddenly applying for a position in TSA? I swear I can hear the rush of printers spitting out resignations from catholic priests and printing the resumes to take to the nearest TSA office.

Also, there is no frigging way that I will allow myself to be subjected to an electronic version of “Welcome to Auschwitz, now get naked ’cause we wanna make sure you ain’t hiding a darn thing.” I am guessing that Frequent Fliers will soon be recognized by the glow in the dark tan they will acquire after extensive “harmless” scans.

And you know what really ticks me off. The Government spent a boatload of our tax money bringing to life a nerd’s dream of the old school X-Ray glasses.