https://twitter.com/seanmdav/status/991654320012713984

Dick’s CEO: “What is this?! We did everything the Leftists wanted.  We ended gun sales to people under 21.  We stopped selling assault weapons.   We Tweeted platitudes.   Our sales are down and revenue is falling.”

Dick’s BD dept: “Well sir.  It seems that Leftists don’t really buy sporting goods.  Counting on them to buy-cott enough enough soccer balls and yoga mats to make up for gun sales turned out to be a bad idea.”

CEO:  “So what’s the state of the business?”

BD: “Bass Pro and Cabela’s are eating our lunch.”

CEO: “Get legal on the phone, we’re hiring lobbyists.”

BD: “Why?”

CEO: “If we can’t sell guns we’ll make sure nobody else will either.”

CEO & BD: “BWAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”

(Over at YETI HQ)

YETI BD: “Sir, sales have dropped since we told the NRA to fuck themselves and the Volvo driving soccer mom demographic just isn’t making our pink ramblers fly off the shelves.  What do we do.”

YETI CEO: “Quick.  Hire some lobbyists.  We need to get congress to ban cheaper mugs and coolers as ‘Saturday night specials.’  Well make sure people can only buy our $500 coolers or they won’t be able to buy any coolers at all.”

BD: “That’s brilliant sir.”

CEO & BD: “BWAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”

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By J. Kb

4 thoughts on “Over at Dick’s HQ”
  1. These idiots either don’t realize or don’t care that they are going to kill their business.

    1. I assume they’re polishing their progressive credentials to prepare for employment elsewhere. The question is why is the board of directors letting them get away with it, and why are the stockholders not leaning on the board?

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