I wouldn’t believe me if I told myself
So I was chatting with a buddy and I sent him this meme.
That cascaded into a conversation in which I realized that if you had the ability to go back to 2001 and tell American’s what 2020/2021 was like, they wouldn’t believe you.
Like, at all.
Seriously.
Try it:
“The federal government was temporarily under the control of an 80-year-old bureaucrat you never heard of, who ran a minor department you never heard of, who told people to wear three handkerchiefs over their faces and have a medical swab jammed up their butthole to fight a respiratory virus with a 99.7% survivability rate.”
“We made this 39-year-old gay guy who had no more administrative experience than being the mayor of a rust belt city of 100,000 people, the Secretary of Transporation because he said he ‘likes trains’ and proposed to his husband in an airport terminal.”
“A TV actress with a part-time role on a lousy basic cable drama show conspired with Oprah to destroy the British Monarchy and succeded.”
“A member of the House Intelligence Committee fucked a Chinese spy and Speaker of the House let him stay on the House Intelligence Committee, but the Speaker of the House tried to kick another member of Congress out of office for saying that there were only two genders.”
“A number of state governors declared in a state of emergency what items in a hardware or big box store you could buy and not buy and had different items roped off from customers. It was against the law to go to a Lowes and buy paint or seeds, or Easter candy in a Wal-Mart, by governor’s orders. Oh, and that state of emergency was that same respiratory virus with a 99.7% survivability rate.”
“The President made it so that people had to carry a little card issued by the CDC that shows that they were vaccinated against the aforementioned respiratory virus with a 99.7% survivability rate to be allowed to enter a business or travel between states.”
Speaking of that card, I got vaccinated because I’m an essential government contractor, and the very first thing that I noticed after the woman who gave me my injection told me to carry the card around with me all the time was that it’s not a standard wallet credit card size card. If you want to know exactly the state of our incompetent fucking bureaucratic state, that’s it right there.
“Here’s a fucking card you have to carry around with you always, but it’s not a convenient industry-standard size to carry in your wallet or business card holder or any other standard size accessories that you carry all of your other concealed carry permits, drivers licenses, state-issued IDs, credit cards, business cards, store rewards cards, frequent customer punch cards, etc. in, because fuck you, we’re the Federal government and we do what we want.”
If you went back 20 years and told any of these to yourself, I doubt you would believe even you.
Try it. Put it in the comments. Describe something that happened within the last year you 20 years ago wouldn’t believe if you told yourself.