Since I work with women in the realm of advanced firearms classes, I’d like Hagar to share step by step how she would handle a potential criminal attack in a store parking lot, in the dark, where she has two car parking spaces of distance between her and an absolute threat (man 6′ tall, in shape and walking briskly at her) determined because there are no cars near hers and it makes no sense at all why he’d be walking toward her at the hour in that place.
I saw this on Friday, about ten minutes before I ran out the door for a weekend at a Ren Faire. My immediate reaction was, “I wouldn’t put myself in that situation.” That doesn’t answer your question, but it’s where I’m going to start.
Situational awareness and common sense are rare to find these days. Too many people are nose deep in their phones to be aware of what’s going on around them. The absolute BEST defense against attacks in this kind of place is to simply not allow it to happen. Don’t put yourself in danger. It goes along with a previous article I wrote, about not acting like prey. It would be amazing to live in a world where we didn’t have to worry about that kind of thing, but we don’t, so we have to worry. Staying out of situations that are potentially dangerous is the first line of defense.
That said, there have been times when I’ve had to be out at night. I live in a nice area, so it’s never been an issue for me. If I lived in NYC or Boston, that would be a different story. I don’t do “alone at night”. I make certain I’m always with someone else. The average criminal looks at two people (women, men, combo pack, doesn’t matter) and quickly decides it isn’t worth the potential trouble. Yesterday, after we left our faire, the kid and I stopped at Five Guys Burgers for food. Before leaving the car (it was dusk but not dark), we made certain of our surroundings. We locked the door as we got out. We moved to the restaurant quickly, though not fearfully. Head on a swivel, because we were in Manchester and I’d just seen on the news that there had been a shooting (nowhere near us, but still). With no one near us or our vehicle, we went into the restaurant and got our food, and had an enjoyable dinner. Leaving, we did similar to arriving: check surroundings, see that the path to the car is clear, unlock the doors as we arrive, lock them immediately on entering. Did we see anyone? Nope. Were we afraid? Nope. Were we armed? Yep. But we were aware that Things Could Happen.
Now we get to the actual situation above – a dark parking lot, I’m alone, and someone is two parking spots away. I get in my car, lock the doors (as I always do) while sitting down, and I drive away. I don’t rush it, I don’t fumble keys (they’re already in my hand, as usual), and I don’t let nerves overtake me. My vehicle is right there, and I know how to get into it. If the situation is such that I can do so, I will probably make direct eye contact with the male in question, because again, most criminals are taking advantage of easy opportunities. I am NOT an easy opportunity, and he needs to be aware of that. If I had some real reason to be afraid for my life (I knew the man as a criminal, he was yelling at me, or otherwise being aggressive in a way that wasn’t “just walking toward me”, I would make certain my weapon was available and ready for use, but it really wouldn’t change much. While a person can sprint two parking spaces quickly, I can get into my car and lock it even more quickly. I might be tempted to put my weapon on the dash or in another visible place, if it seemed like he was going to rush my car or something. But let’s be frank here… My car is going to hurt him a lot more than he’s going to hurt my car.
Should Something Bad happen, I would call 911 after I had dealt with the situation. I will admit that, if I were pushed to defend myself with a weapon, I would not leave the aggressor standing. Or breathing. Mine will be the only story told, because if I’m in a position where someone has forced my hand, it will be lethal.
Bottom line: don’t put yourself into a situation that can go south like that. Just don’t. Thinking ahead is the best way to deal with this.
Good post, Hagar. Thank you for sharing your POV.
PPPPPP/Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance!
You are one of those rare women – you use your brain!. You say you would get in the car and leave. Exellent. Or if pushed you would use your vehicle as a defense tool, yup, 3500 pounds vs 230…. Or firearm as last resort. One suggestion- keep it in your hand, not on dash. Well said. Yea, Manchester has some high strangeness. I get down there once in a while
I am guessing if I did find myself in that exact situation, my firearm would be in hand. I just cannot fathom a time when I might actually be there LOL… I go out of my way to avoid such things.
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Careful with the backhanded compliment on women there; a great number of us are quite intelligent, and very much using our brains. Sometimes, we choose not to show it, however. Why, you ask? Because if a man thinks I’m a ditz or out of it or not paying attention, he’s not going to be as careful around me. That gives me an instant “one up”. You may simply have found yourself around women who treat you like “every man” and avoid showing their intellect.
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That said, I also know a vast number of males who have no clue what’s going on around them. Nose in a book or phone, or busy talking, and totally ignoring what’s going on around them. Men seem to forget that they, too, can be victims.
I teach a class that focuses on human behavioral patterns in the general public. We spend time studying people, noting how many individuals are aware of their surroundings, whether they are male or female, and what age they appear to be. And we also note which people present themselves, (personal public posture) in what appears to be a confident manner and we identify who we believe would make perfect victims.
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I find here in central Florida, that the results of this research are vastly different than what I experienced in MA. when I conducted the same exercise there. In Fl. about forty percent of males and females were very aware of their surrounds in all age groups, In MA. that percentage was in the twenty percent range.
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And as to men seeming to forget that they can be victims too, it was certainly true in MA, and I have to say, I have not found that very often in Fl. I believe this is due to having access to firearms. When people in general do not have the option of carrying a firearm, they tend to cope with their vulnerableness by mentally blocking out risk or vulnerability. If given the choice of carrying a gun, they’ll automatically focus on potential risks because they now have the ability to do something to counter it.
Appreciate you addressing my question for you. It is true that there is what I call Commonsense Avoidance, which is exactly what you described Hagar; paying attention, presenting yourself as alert and in command of your space, knowing your next move no matter what the situation is, and taking charge should there arise a need to engage a possible threat, and then…..bringing the firearm to bear as the last resort deterrent.
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But would you agree that all of these avoidance strategies are designed to break contact with a potential threat or real threat, and would you say that bringing a pistol to bear in no way implies it should be fired unless the threat advances after seeing it?
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I don’t have my original suggestion in front of me as I write this but, what I was hoping you’d address was “when things go south and something bad is a distinct possibility but has not started yet” (threat is inside of fifteen feet and still moving toward you). In other words, at what point do you draw the gun, and at what point do you pull the trigger??
I would certainly use a firearm (or other “arm”) as a defense technique, knowing I would not fire it unless pushed. It depends a lot on what’s going on around me.
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If I were in the middle of a calm spot in a mob (in inner city Boston, for instance), I’d be much more inclined to shoot first and ask questions later. In my own little neighborhood, we know everyone, so unless I didn’t know the person in question, a firearm wouldn’t leave the holster unless someone went all zombie on me or something.
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So yes, you can bring a firearm into view, be prepared to shoot but NOT shoot, using it as a method of deterrence.
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I will almost always use words first. “Stop. I am armed, I am aiming at you, and if you walk another foot, I will shoot you.” Again, that’s situational; there are times when I wouldn’t bother with talking. I would prefer not to wound or kill someone, but one of me is worth more than one of them, always.
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I will happily use “two to center of mass” if someone rushes me, or refuses to comply. Would I choose to do something else, if possible? Yes. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to do whatever’s necessary.
Thanks for the in-depth answer, Hagar. No matter what, it always comes down to the finer details of the situation as to whether or not success is achieved. The reason I asked the question in the first place was I believed your answer would be comprehensive, accurate, and realistic, and achieve success. In other words, “This woman will nail it perfectly”. And I was correct. You’re one of the four reasons I engage with this blog.
Good response. I had read somewhere, years ago, that the main reason women end up in violent situations is because they do not want to “offend” the other person. They will not cross the street if the guy walking toward them is scary because it might “offend” that person, etc… Glad to see that you are not one of those people.
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However…
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“While a person can sprint two parking spaces quickly, I can get into my car and lock it even more quickly.”
Can you? Are you sure? Have you tried it?
Two parking spaces is undefined in this scenario. Do they mean two parallel (about 16 to 20 feet) or two in line? (bumper to bumper, about 36-40 feet.) Is the car between you and the approaching man, or do you have to move from the back bumper to the driver door before you can open it.
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The Tueller drill is used as a demonstrate of exactly how fast and far an assailant can move in the time it takes for someone to draw a gun and shoot. It is generally stated that an assailant can cover 21 feet of distance in the time it takes someone to draw a gun and shoot. (that number is not exactly correct, but that’s a discussion for a different time.)
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My recommendation is, test it out. Have a friend approach at a fast pace while you try to get into the car before they can touch you. Also, test it out different ways.
You are at the car door, but it is locked, or you are at the back of the car and have to move to the door. Etc… Fingers crossed, you are correct. But, many a person has become a victim because they assumed they were faster at reacting and taking action than they actually were.
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I would be interested in knowing how it works out. Post for another time perhaps.
I like that way you think CBMTTek. Drills produce muscle memory and muscle memory must be tested eventually in a stressed environment. It is this scenario that I provide my students. I’ve seen some very confident individuals in practice level one and two, but once physical stress is introduced, things go sideways in way no one expected. Which is just being human. For instance, when adrenaline takes over, that four pound trigger she was very competent with becomes a real liability. Some people require a five to six pound trigger in order to not have negligent discharges and some require a poundage reduction to achieve accuracy.
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In my example of two parking spaces, I meant side by side which is about the same distance as in the Tueller Drill of 21 feet. Very few students are able to achieve a meaningful shot on target when I rush them let alone get into a car and lock it.
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As you said, testing oneself is the only way to discover the possible failure which will get you killed or perhaps significant prison time and financial loss.
Hagar may very well be capable of opening the car door, entering, and locking the car behind her in the time it take for a man to walk briskly across two spaces. But, “knowing” you can do it, without trying it out, produces a false sense of security. Until you have demonstrated you can do it, repeatedly in varying conditions, you really know nothing. You think you know, but you do not.
So… Yes, I have tried it. I test pretty much all of my safety and self defense things. 🙂 There’s a reason I carry my keys in my hand, that my car is unlocked as I walk toward it, and is locked as the doors close. That’s a habit I’ve drilled into myself. I think you’ll find a good number of women are quite aware of just how much time such things take (ie very little), because we concern ourselves with avoiding it whenever possible.
Excellent, I am glad to hear that.
Way too many people assume they are faster, stronger, or more aware than they actually are. I am glad to see you have challenged yourself. Keep it up, and you will avoid most, if not all, self defense situations.
Good ol manchvegas.
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“I wouldn’t put myself in that situation.”
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But that’s blaming the veeeeeeectiiiiimmmmmm.
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Agreed though, too many people get victimized with no sense of reflection of how they might of put themselves in that place. You can’t catch everything and sometimes there is nothing to indicate something is going to happen but this goes a long way.
So, there is “blaming the victim”: If she hadn’t worn that dress to school, the boys wouldn’t have raped her. That’s B.S. to a high degree, and is actual blaming the victim. And then there’s what I said. No blaming involved. No one was hurt.
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That said, if someone was hurt in the original situation, it would not be the fault of the victim. It would be the fault of the perpetrator, just as it isn’t the fault of the gun, but the wielder of the gun, when it’s used for Bad Things.
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Teaching women to be aware (or anyone, frankly) is really important. Teaching risk awareness is vital, especially for those who choose to live in dense population centers. More population equals more criminals, just talking sheer numbers alone. One can teach risk awareness and avoidance without blaming the victim.
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I bring this up, only because of the way you said it, which came across to me as somewhat sarcastic. Telling someone BEFORE Bad Things happen that they need to be aware is simply good planning. Telling that same thing to someone AFTER Bad Things happen could indeed be blaming the victim, and shouldn’t be done. Instead, teach the person to not be a victim, but a survivor.
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Frankly, that’s it right there. A lot of people (largely women, but men do it too) take on a victim mentality, and that’s a problem. Walk like you own the sidewalk. Make eye contact. Put a hand at your waist if you feel threatened. Call people out. And if push comes to shove, act first and question yourself later.
I sense that you’re able to put effective shots on threats in under1.5 seconds and perhaps quicker. If all goes sideways, it comes down to that time frame. Having that experiential knowledge that your body can achieve that, gives you the personal posture to communicate, “I will do more than survive, I will contend unscathed”.
I should have used the sarc tag since that was mostly my point.
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Paragraphs 1 and 2 you provide pretty much sums upy opinion on victim blaming.
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I do not think it is blaming to say after the fact, we must evaluate the choice we made and the role we play in the events that affect us to better avoid and learn for the future.
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The mostly sarc from me is because everything gets called victim blaming, even prudent advice like not everyone is nice be aware of your surroundings. Obviously this is not you or your point and i mostly was amused of the quote left/feminist perspective of its all victim blaming and the wording you used.
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The irony is you probably would not ever engage in so called victim blaming, but you would be accused of it for your last statements of teaching someone not to be a victim.