Trigger warning:

Man allegedly hiding drugs in butt accidentally shoots himself in testicles

OUCH!!!!

A bungling felon from Washington state made a series of blunders when he shot himself in the testicles and tried to hide the weapon — all while storing drugs in his anus, a report said Wednesday.

Don’t do drugs and handle guns, fellas.

Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, was carrying a pistol in his front pocket while in his Cashmere, Wash., apartment on April 5 when the firearm accidentally discharged and pierced his groin and thigh, according to the Wenatchee World News.

This is why a pocket holster is important.

Wilson, who is a 13-time convicted felon, told his girlfriend to dispose of the weapon before heading to the hospital, the paper said.

But having an ass full of drugs is just fine.

When the ex-con finally went to the hospital, a balloon of marijuana slipped out of his anus while a doctor was operating on the gunshot wound, court records show.

Slipped out?

I’m pretty sure if I just shot myself in the balls and the doctor touched them, I’d shit myself too.

Cops also arrived at the hospital when alerted of the gunshot wound and searched Wilson’s car where they discovered a bag of meth in the blood-stained jeans he was wearing when he shot himself.

The officers issued an arrest warrant for Wilson and he turned himself in to police on April 18.

As he was being processed at the Chelan County Regional Justice Center, Wilson was strip-searched and another balloon of marijuana slipped from his anus, the paper said.

This can’t be real.  This has to be a comedy sketch.

While in jail, Wilson made a number of calls to his girlfriend and asked her not to cooperate with investigators working on his case. Authorities were listening in on the calls.

When you have 13 felony convictions already, illegal firearm possession, and a cornucopia of narcotics for an asshole, why not add conspiracy and witness tampering to the mix.  Might as well go for broke.

The convicted felon was charged with possession of a firearm, unlawful possession of meth, possession of a controlled substance in a correctional facility, and four counts of tampering with a witness.

What did I just say?

Wilson was being held on $110,000 bail and is due in court on June 18.

After you shoot your balls off, is there anything the justice system can do to you that is worse?

At least we never have to worry about this felon making any little future felons with his girlfriend if he ever gets out of prison.

I’ll be honest, when I read that headline, this is what first came to mind.

Enjoy.

 

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By J. Kb

8 thoughts on “Surprisingly not from Florida”
  1. This was in a newspaper called the Wenatchee.World News. I had to do further research, since “Wenatchee” has a distinctly Florida-ish sound to it. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be as far from Florida as it’s possible to be and stay in the continental United States.
    I’ve noticed that recently Oregon seems to be competing for Florida’s weirdness crown. This guy was in the wrong state.

    1. There are really two Washington Sates. Washington West of the Cascades, which has Seattle, Tacoma, Olympia, etc. and the related crazies. Eastern Washington is relatively sane. Wentatchee is in Eastern WA, but is near the border, apparently this guy escaped the West Coast asylum.

  2. Look, I know I am not up on the latest “cool” stuff to do. I know, I am old. But… Isn’t weed legal in WA state? Has been for years?

    Why stuff balloons of it up your backside?

  3. When I clicked on the link youtube opened with a video ad for “Crop Preserver

    anti-chafing ball deodorant.” I kid you not.

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