OK, so how the heck do you carry up North? Grant you we don’t have the clothes so we work on the 17 layers of Hawaiian shirts and Guayaberas to achieve insulation, WalMart has been smart enough to import long johns from other stores and it is a problem to be wearing 6 pairs of socks with flip flops or sandals. This bulkiness leaves very little room for the regular carry gear I use.

Oh hell, I’ll freeze.  I’ll practice dry firing with stuffed oven mittens a bit later.

UPDATE: I just checked my snail mail and found the latest Bass Pro Shop flyer advertising what appears to be a sale on cold weather clothing. The stars aligned properly! “Honey dear, I have to go to Bass Pro for a new jacket. It is too cold out there! Plus Sebastian (who you know is an expert on shooting things in the cold and during other weather phenomena) has given me sage advice on the matter. I’ll be right back.” <evil laugh>

UPDATE 2: It did not work. I keep forgetting my wife works at a frozen food distribution company. She is borrowing one of those coats they use in the freezers rated for a really bad Siberian Winter so I can use for the next couple of days. Curses! Foiled again!.

… will be dare to do the following when their local temperature rises again to 42.

1. Turn off any heating systems.
2. Open all windows.
3. Wear only summer clothes. (Sandals or flip flops are acceptable)
4. Deal with winds between 10 to 25 mph.

Most houses and living quarters in South Florida do not have any kind of heating other than the kitchen oven. Also they are built to reject heat, not absorb it. You could not find a portable heater in any store anywhere because the dozen there were available in the Four County area were snatched in the first 30 seconds of the first cold front but most hurricane lamps and Coleman Gas Lamps will help heat up a room till the carbon monoxide alarm goes off.  Winter clothing? There is not such thing as wool or down in South Florida. There were riots in the local WalMarts for hoodies and Long Johns (Old guys with canes are mean as hell and can swing hard. In a pinch they will pitch their dentures at you like a the Senior’s version of a shuriken). We are wearing construction gloves to protect our hands and about 4 pair of socks.

Next hippie that talks to me about Global Warming will get a free shave and a haircut with my grass trimmer.