Since Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).

ATD: At The Doctor’s

BFF: Best Friend Farted

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFL…GU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up

SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again

WTP: Where’s The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

Not a single TactiCool School I know of teaches you for this eventuality:

Resident Eduardo Monteagudo said he witnessed the attack. “He was cooking and the monkey got on his shoulder and when he saw it, he tried to hit it and it bit him on the ear,” he said

The attacker eventually surrendered to authorities and will face a Florida Wildlife Monkey Judge. OK I don’t know if we have one of those but the way things work in Florida, I wouldn’t be surprised.

So, what do you use for a Home Invasion by monkey? I’d say shotgun with #6 for close range work.

Great Photoshop and well done faux article.  Somebody has a great imagination!

This is one of those things which, no matter how much you want to remain impassive you end up breaking in laughter.

Excuse me while I wipe the spittle off my screen.

Read it some years ago in the interwebs.

During the first days of World War II, a Wehrmacht general was touring Germany’s border with Switzerland with a bunch of butt-kissing Journalists. At a checkpoint, one journalist asked the General if there were plans for dealing with Switzerland in case they decided to break their neutrality. The General scoffed and said that the Swiss were not an issue and that they wouldn’t dare take any action against the mighty Third Reich. “I ask you, what can 500,000 Swiss do against a one million Wehrmacht Soldiers?”

“Shoot twice.” answered a voice on the Swiss side of the checkpoint.

Gators are just ugly enough and mean enough to make fun. Plus we like them in Florida.