From the Huffington Post:

Elizabeth Warren’s Skin Care Routine Has Created A Whole New Debate

Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren and her skin have been featured in thousands of up-close and personal selfies on the campaign trail. Glowing selfies have become a signature trait, alongside her robust energy and “can-do” attitude. But according to a new interview with Cosmo, the Democratic senator from Massachusetts apparently “never” washes her face.

Warren revealed her most controversial policy yet during Cosmo’s “Candidates Come to Cosmo” video series, in which Editor-in-Chief Jessica Pels grills presidential hopefuls on policy, pop culture, and the most burning topic of all, their skin care routines.

As Warren tells it, she “never” washes her face.  Instead, she bathes in human blood.  

“The way to stay vital is to consume the life force of others,” Warren said. 

“There are ancient incantations that allow you to suck the life energy out of a person.  By absorbing that energy during a ritual that involves soaking in the blood of a human sacrifice I am able to remain spry in my 70s, without concerns for diet or exercise.  I learned this from my great-grandmother who was part necromancer.”

Warren then explained, “children make the best victims for sacrifice, they are so full of life energy.” 

While many people might find that controversial, Warren was not worried about how that might affect her poll numbers.

“The children I consume are all the children of empowered single mothers who wanted to have a post-birth abortion.  I am helping to facilitate their right to choose.  This is a very Progressive position.”

When pressed on how she became so at ease with the idea of human sacrifice, Warren spoke about her time as “a lawyer on Wall Street” and getting use to the principle that “there was no amount of human suffering that would stop us from making a buck.”

Warren has apparently been a practitioner of the dark arts for a long time, giving it credit for much of her success. 

“How else could someone as cold and impersonal as myself become so rich and famous, let alone get elected to the Senate as a part-time Harvard professor?  That is the power of the supernatural forces of evil.”

While this might come shocking to many, this is not a secret in Democrat circles.  “Hillary also employed the forces of evil or a politician that unlikeable would have never gotten as far as she did.”

When asked why Hillary failed to get elected, Warren said that it was poor prioritization.  “Hillary tried to use the dark arts to both make herself rich and loved at the same time.  It’s almost impossible to conjure up $400 Million in personal wealth and get people to follow you unquestioningly simultaneously.  She was not strong enough to do it.”

When asked if she was going to do things differently than Hillary, as many people have compared the two politicians, she said she intends to emulate her hero.

“Barack Obama did it correctly.  He entranced the people by magically boosting his charisma.  He didn’t feel the need to make himself wealthy until his Presidency was over.”

Warren also said that President Obama had one advantage that others in her position did not.  “Obama had a Warlock servant, who posed as his wife Michelle.”  

When asked about the way some people might be hesitant to support a party that gains power with the force of evil, Warren’s position is that the cost of moderate voters who might be turned off by the use of dark magic is well worth the benefit to the politicians who use it.

“Democrats in California have used too much dark magic to gain monopoly control of the state that the land itself is cursed.  It’s always on fire, demons walk around freely, and there are feces on the street.”

Most voters in California believe that to be the product of global warming and capitalism.  Warren clarified “that’s what they have been enchanted to believe.  The reality is there is so much dark magic there is it literally raining brimstone and shit.”

Warren says that California is the future of the Democrat party.

“As unhappy as Californians are about the quality of life that comes with living on cursed ground, they still vote overwhelmingly for the Democrats.  If the California Democrats can do that, the concentrated efforts of the DNC should be able to accomplish that at the national level.”

Warren was asked about problems of party unity, which have seemed to plage the Democrats this election cycle, Warren answered “it takes years, decades really, of work to properly harness the dark arts.  Nancy Pelosi is the most powerful witch in the party, and she’s 179 years old.  Then we have to deal with young upstarts like Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez.  She’s passionate, and yes, she consorted with the devil once, but she lacks experience and it shows.  In 40 or 50 years, she might be ready to lead the party.”   

Despite all this, Warren said that Trump is still the biggest threat to the future of the Democrat party.

“We say that he is evil, but it’s really the Democrats that use the dark arts.  His charisma is real charisma, and very hard to enchant people away from that.”

Warren did say that there was still hope for the Democrats to have victory in 2020.

“By harnessing the power of death, we may be able to maledict victory.  We’ve been doing our best to maximize that by encouraging abortion, violent crime, and opioid overdose, and it seems to be working.”

While the debate about dark money in politics is has been acknowledged for years, there has been little mentioned about the use of dark magic in politics, and this has created a whole new debate.

I guess that explains a lot.

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By J. Kb

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