Many people had an irrational fear of clowns.
The trope of the creepy, murderous clowns permeated the popular culture.
There was even a 1988 horror B movie cult classic about killer aliens that looked like clowns.
In the early 2020s, it seemed like every dystopian sci-fi horror movie of the 90s was coming true. But in nobody’s wildest imagination did anyone forsee this.
To be fair, the clowns were not alien sociopaths on a comet.
They were a proud people.
A culture of warriors.
And we provoked them.
Many warrior cultures on earth had displays of power to intimidate their enemies.
The Maori had their famous Haka dance.
The Scottish would stand on hilltops in the fog and scare the shit out of the English with bagpipes.
Native tribes of North and South America wore face paint and elaborate head dresses.
The Samuari of Japan wore scary armored masks.
But yellow polkadot jumpsuits, frills, and big red wigs and bulbous noses were not in the repertoire of warriors on earth.
To us, those were funny, or maybe creepy, but not intimidating.
And so we blasted radio waves into space carrying videos of clowns getting hit with pies and mallets and making fools of themselves for our children’s entertainment.
Such insults could not be ignored by warriors whose reputation for ferocity in battle spanned countless planets throughout the galaxy.
And so they came to earth.
Lead by a general who looked more like he should be selling forty-nine cent cheeseburgers than decimating our militaries.
The war was over in a matter of days.
Their victory stunning and complete.
Their tactics and technology perfected over the centuries, spanning millions of parsecs, and billions of enemies subjugated or destroyed.
We never stood a chance.
Nobody has an irrational fear of clowns anymore.
That fear is now entirely justified.
The big goofy red wig and bulbous nose is the face of death.
5 thoughts on “The day the clowns attacked earth”
That was excellent.
It will never show up on a HS or college reading list, but damn, it was good.
poetry. true poetry…
this one’s gonna need a sticky.
Apparently Putin’s not clowning around…
The really impressive part? An invasion force 5000 strong fit into a single Astro minivan.
Ever seen “Killer Klowns from Outer Space”?
Login or register to comment.