Reading J. Kb.s post I started laughing at this:

Have sex with people close to you.

• You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex

“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone you love.”
Woody Allen way back in the 1960s.

But no, it was not Allen’s quote but the 12-year-old in me developed the mental image of somebody going to the urologist:

“Doc, I am worried, there is something wrong with my penis.”
“OK, drop trou…whoa!  Your dick is sneezing.”
“I know! and coughs too!”
“Did you rub one off without washing your hands?”
“Er.. maybe.”
“Well that’s it, you dick has the Chinese Virus.”

Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.