I bought myself a father’s day gift at Lowes. I got a 10 inch sliding miter saw. It was on sale plus I had my 10% off coupon and my Lowes card, so it was priced very well.
I also bought some lumber. Why buy a saw and not buy lumber, it’s like buying a gun and not buying ammo.
Actually I do have a project in mind, I am making a work table.
So I am paying for my saw and lumber and the poor woman running the register has to ask me a obvious question.
I, of course, cannot let the door be opened for fuckery without walking through it. It is my weakness.
Cahsier: “Big project?”
Me: “A coffin.”
Cashier: “What?”
Me: “Those greedy sons-of-bitches at the funeral home gouge you to death. Ten thousand dollars for a box I can make myself.”
Cashier: *Stares in shock.”
Me: “Grandma’s dead, she doesn’t need silk lining. But don’t say I didn’t love her, I’m buying the premium pine.”
Cashier: *Utterly flabbergasted* “I’m sorry for you loss.”
Me: “Thank you. Have a blessed day.”
My wife stopped accompanying me to the hardware store anymore because I take to long. I’m not sure if that was the best idea.
You Sir, are not well…good one.
This is how urban legends get started.
Or if they have your name and address, your security clearance gets suspended?
LOVE it!!! Did you ever see the episode of that great comedy series, Corner Gas, where Pop was doing exactly that, building his own deluxe coffin? Good stuff. And about funeral homes – when my dad died, many years ago, the funeral home that picked up his body form the hospital, tried to screw me terribly, telling me our burial policy wouldn’t cover the cost and we needed to come up with another 2000 dollars. When I told them that I did not have it, and declined their suggestion of ‘take out a loan”, they acted perplexed and asked what they could do? I told them to have his body ready and I wold drive around to the back and take him home. The guys just stared and I repeated my statement and said I was quite serious. They ‘went to talk with their boss”, like used car salesmen, and finally decided that out of their kindness, they would indeed accept our policy.