“A word that has disappeared from our vocabulary here is ‘the season,’” explains star architect Bernardo Fort-Brescia of Arquitectonica (whose buildings have transformed Miami’s skyline, and the world’s perception of the city). “Because today, New Yorkers can come here and find the same kind of culture, food, and entertainment they left behind them.” When a New York billionaire boards his private jet for the two-and-a-half-hour flight to Miami (less time than it would take to get to the Hamptons in summer traffic, unless he’s choptering, of course), increasingly he’s heading to a place where he can find a lot that reminds him of Manhattan—even his favorite restaurant may now have a Miami branch.
via How Miami Became New York South.
One of the things I noticed when I moved to Miami almost two decades ago was this need by some to duplicate NYC. In fact, before hipster was hipster, there were these individuals that dressed, talked, acted and bemoaned that we were not more like New Yorkers. You will see them dressed all in black and/or charcoal wool, tweeting about the “fabulous” cisgender green vegan restaurant with portions the size and prize of an iWatch.
And then you have the transplants: New Yorkers who moved down here and for some reason think NY rules apply. Hint: There is a difference between being loud (which we are) and being a loudmouth; one is volume and the other leads to bleeding. This kind does not usually last long as contrary to legend, New Yorkers ain’t that tough. It takes a couple of run-ins with machete-wielding neighbors to rethink moving to either Boca or back to NY. Hurricanes do a better job of sweeping them out back north as it literally scares them shitless and beg on their knees for the safety of Times Square. And speaking of that, we are due one or two hurricanes to do some major cleaning.
South Florida has one huge problem: The weather and the geography lends itself to invasive species and are hard to eliminate. Like Melaleuca trees or pythons, once they get settled, it becomes a constant battle to keep them in check. And according to Florida Statutes, it is illegal to eradicate Yankee Hipsters as they are classified human…barely. And then there is the whole “Do not feed the gators” thing….
So, I understand why some folks from Miami have taken to relocate to other latitudes devoid of New Yorkers. I am still unclear why they keep moving to North Carolina other than the BBQ and I figure the North Calinkis may have similar complains about the “mayameros” but we like pork, guns and listen to Southern Rock in between bouts of Reggae and Salsa so they will be fine.
As for myself, I am gonna be even “hipstier” and move not to NC but someplace where the seasons come in four and I actually get to turn on the heat. Who am I kidding? If we move, it will be where the wife wants and I just drive the truck.
12 thoughts on “How Miami Became New York South (not quite yet, but getting there)”
Just like us here in Colorado with the Kommiefornian issues.
Preach on brother-man! I have never understood the desire to move to a new place then turn it into the shit-hole from where you came. I grew up three blocks from the old Parrot Jungle, off of Red Road. Then that area became the center of a housing development and the people that moved there complained about the parrots and drove Parrot Jungle out to Jungle Island (which sucks). The same thing is happening down at Metro-Zoo over the smell of wild animal shit.
Miami isn’ t alone in this. After I moved to South Dakota, the same crap happened there. This time it’s some development being built on the edge of beautiful Black Hills National Forest and sold as “the new Boulder Colorado” and the New Yorkers and Californians who move there suddenly get the urge to drive away all the cattle ranches that have been there since the 1880’s.
These people find every nice place to live and then ruin it. If only they had a sense of self awareness they would realize that maybe they are the problem.
We’re getting a lot of New Yorkers, here in charlotte.
Well this part of Texas has a lot in common with Miami. Heat, humidity, mosquitoes, snakes, humidity, waterbugs(roaches), flies, humidity, english as a 2nd language, traffic, humidity, the ocean, snakes, hurricanes. Did I mention the humidity? So if you do move, Texas will be less of a shock. And we have 2 seasons: Wet and Dry.
I lived in Wichita Falls (North) and we had two seasons, fucking cold and fucking hot. The sad thing since I left 17 years ago, I hear that you wouldn’t recognize Dallas. I guess a bunch of those Kommiefornia and Conneticstan moved there and brought their shit politics with them. Just like they did in formerly free Colorado.
There should be a season on those Hipster things. Two per season and the meat goes to the zoo to feed the lions. Of course I think there should be a similar season on lawyers. With the meat to go to the aquarium to feed the sharks.
20 years ago I was splitting my time between Wichita Falls and Gainesville. The last time I was up that way about the only thing I recognized was the highway numbers.
I have a feeling that would look a lot like this:
Sharks won’t eat lawyers. Professional courtesy.
“I figure the North Calinkis may have similar complains about the “mayameros”
We call the “Half-backs” because they only bounced half way back to where they belong.
Hell Miguel, they’ve taken over as far north as St. Augustine… sigh
I swear we need to make a compound somewhere in the Smoky Mountains. That or we make our stand at San Marcos Castle.
Same issue in Oregon, especially around Portland and Multnomah County. The Kalifornistan transplants have over-populated (affects electoral votes) and transformed it into a hipster-ized, Mickey-Mouse version of its former self.
Politics-wise, Portland now makes Los Angeles look moderate by comparison. Don’t try to drive or park your car there; they’re revamping the whole city to make it more bike- and public-transport-friendly, to the point that bicycles and commuter trains share the same roadways as cars and have the right of way (bike paths? we don’t need no stinkin’ bike paths! the right lane on most streets is for both; cars yield!) and all parking is pay-to-park.
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