Amazingly it has been 13 years since Gecko45 graced the shores of the Internet and I realized that there might be a new generation of people that joined the Gun Culture whom never heard of the Original Mall Ninja. The verdict is still out: half think he was some idiot poser trying to sound butch for the audience and the other half thinks this is without doubt the best troll to ever waste bandwith in the history of the Information Superhighway.  You read and decide.

Here is a sample:

I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas. [And here the myth begins”] Although there are typically between fifteen and twenty normal security officers working the beat there, we decided a while ago that it would be best to have a specilized force for violent individuals. We use modified electric vehicles and can be anywhere on a given floor within eight and a half minutes.Naturally, the regular security people are unarmed. We “RTFers”, by arrangement with the local police, carry high-strength OC spray and batons. If we have a full tactical alert and permission from the local LEOs we also have a Mossberg 500 with less-lethal rounds and two K-frame Smith .38s loaded with 158gr. LRN.Basically, the situation is that we get the call, we lock up the situation, put everything five by five, and cordon the area until the local authorities arrive. We’re cops, we just don’t get the glory. [Somehow, I imagine the real police wouldn’t agree”]I am not permitted to carry Glocks on duty; however, when my wife picks me up from work I strap on the “Deadly Duo” of a 27 and 23, each with Bar-Sto .357 bbl.I am writing a proposal to replace our current Mossberg-Smith armament with the following:

• 3) MP5K-PDW with red-dot sights;
• 2) G36 rifles using SS109 rounds;
• 3) Glock practical tacticles in .357 Sig
• 1) PSG-1 using Fed Gold Medal .308
• 1) Starlight scope for the PSG-1 in case we lose power in the building.
• 3) Glock 27 backup guns
• 3) Kahr P-9 holdouts

I think this would make us capable of facing nearly any situation. I’ll let you know what the management says!!!

And it gets better. Check the rest (and save a copy) at Lonely Machines /Shrine of the Mall Ninja.