THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren’t only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General.

Hazel had a perfectly average intelligence, which meant she couldn’t think about anything except in short bursts. And George, while his intelligence was way above normal, had a little mental handicap radio in his ear. He was required by law to wear it at all times. It was tuned to a government transmitter. Every twenty seconds or so, the transmitter would send out some sharp noise to keep people like George from taking unfair advantage of their brains.

“All of a sudden you look so tired,” said Hazel. “Why don’t you stretch out on the sofa, so’s you can rest your handicap bag on the pillows, honeybunch.” She was referring to the forty-seven pounds of birdshot in a canvas bag, which was padlocked around George’s neck. “Go on and rest the bag for a little while,” she said. “I don’t care if you’re not equal to me for a while.”

The only way guys like Garcia know how to make things fair is drag everyone down, which is why Progressives like him support ending AP math classes.

Garcia wants to take your guns so you can’t resist when he straps headphones over your ears and weights around your neck to hobble you.

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By J. Kb

14 thoughts on “I’ve read this story, I know how it ends”
  1. As an engineer, I’ve always hated this type of asinine comparison, i.e. “If we can put a man on the moon, we can have racial harmony.”

    One is an endeavor which has measurable goals and defined science that doesn’t care if you feel some way about something (i.e. “I really feel this structure will withstand this gust loading”) vs. something that’s immeasurable and feelings-driven.

    1. Also, if you look at the history of the moon missions, they were perpetually months or years behind schedule and millions over budget.

      And then there were the many, many accidents: some fatal (Apollo 1), some miraculously not so (Apollo 13).

      From a bureaucratic, project management perspective, NASA’s efforts to reach the moon were an abject failure. Always late, always more expensive than projected.

      But the mission wasn’t to stay on time and on budget. The mission was to get to the damn moon. And they did that.

      Racial harmony doesn’t work like that. It’s not an apples-to-apples comparison. Not even apples-and-oranges. More like apples-and-Volkswagens.

      As you said, the moon missions had a measurable, verifiable goal. The “story” also had one “protagonist” (NASA engineers and astronauts) and no “antagonist” (NASA was up against nature, not other people/agencies trying to sabotage them).

      “Racial harmony” is neither measurable nor verifiable; it means different things to different people. Also, the “story” has multiple interested parties — protagonists, antagonists, bystanders, other third parties, etc. — working with and against each other … and again, who falls into which depends on your point of view. On top of that, if “racial harmony” fails you get “racial conflict”, and we remember the primary difference between peace (harmony) and war (conflict), right?

      Peace requires both sides. War requires only one.

      Because all sides can’t agree on what “racial harmony” means, there will always be dissenters, and some of those dissenters will always be willing to cause trouble.

      So I agree, the moon missions and “racial harmony” are nothing at all alike, and comparing the two is meaningless.

      1. How many people demanding “Racial Justice!!!” really want anything resembling Racial Harmony? They have families to feed and egos to stroke. Last thing they want is their financially beneficial grift to end.

        Who am i talking about?
        Reverend Al Sharpton, the Tax Cheat
        Ben Crump
        The “Squad”
        The entire Black Caucus.
        The Democrat Party.

        And a dozen local and state wanna-be’s.

        You can probably name your own.
        Self Centered Grifters.

        1. Oh, I wasn’t talking about the “major players” in the racial grift game. They’re all more interested in perpetuating the problem for personal profit (say THAT three times fast!) than fixing anything. They know where their bread gets buttered, and true “racial harmony” is bad for their business.

          (Off-topic, but the cynical side of me would point out how they’re not dissimilar from the NRA they despise. The NRA continually endorses politicians who eventually turn on them and promote gun restrictions. They have to know that will happen, especially with Democrats … but that also gives the NRA something to fight against and use to raise funds. If the Second Amendment were ever truly safe, the NRA would run out of donation money pretty darn quick.)

          I was referring to the every-day “racial harmony” activists, who really are — or at least, who think they are — working for harmony and equality.

          Problem is, “harmony” and “equality” mean something different for every one of them — including a few who won’t be happy with any less than complete, fantastical role-reversal, with blacks running everything and whites as their slaves — and too many aren’t looking for peaceful redress.

          And as long as there’s some extremist willing to do violence to get their way, there will never be harmony. It only takes one dissenting party to make peace impossible for everyone else.

          1. “It only takes one dissenting party to make peace impossible for everyone else.”
            You mean like how PDJT started a peace process in the Middle East states by not inviting the one player that didn’t want peace if it meant Israel, or Jews, would continue to exist?

  2. A wise man once said: “If you think all men are created equal, you’ve never been in a men’s locker room.”

  3. Two questions: When did we put a helicopter on Mars? And can a helicopter even fly in such a thin atmosphere?

    Yeah, this guy is a moron.

    1. There’s a roto-copter drone on the latest Mars rover.

      And yes, it works. NASA can now get aerial photos of the area around their rover. 🙂

  4. Idiots like Garcia equate fair and equal.

    Fair is everyone plays by the same rules, and whatever outcome you end up with, is what you get.
    Equal is different rules for everyone, just as long as the outcome is the same.

  5. Another point Garcia is completely missing: The engineers who put a working roto-copter drone on Mars … probably took and passed AP math and science courses.

    By banning AP courses, he’s making it far less likely we’ll ever achieve such feats again.

    So my response would be, “Yes, in an amazing feat of science and engineering, we have a helicopter on Mars. If we make life ‘fair’ by your definition, we’ll never have another.”

  6. Forcing people to be ‘equal’ only works as long as they let you.

    I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if Harrison Bergeron hadn’t been vulnerable to 10 gauge shotgun shells.

    Glampers pulls the triggers… nothing happens… and then Bergeron simply disassembles her.

    1. The thought occurred to me that Harrison Bergeron’s biggest tactical error was tearing off all of his “handicap” weights.

      According to the story, he had hundreds of pounds worth of weight bags and chunks of scrap metal on him … and it still couldn’t weigh him down enough. If true, he’d be a walking tank. A .50-cal AP round probably wouldn’t reach him, let alone lead shot.

      And then he could just jump on Glampers. Or remove ONE handicap and swing or throw it at her. A gnarly chunk of scrap would tear her up, especially if he’s as strong as the story says.

      1. True, though I think it would’ve been more dramatic for him to languidly raise his hand and cause the shotgun to explode in Glampers’ face.

        Then to announce the rise of the Imperium of Man. Space Marines ahoy! 😀

Only one rule: Don't be a dick.

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