Hat tip to Six at The Warrior Class.

They feel solid and lethal. Thor’s Hammer come down from Valhalla and taken mortal form. Plastic can’t even be used on a holster for one much less the actual gun. It’ll melt in pure shame upon the simple touch of a true big bore revolver.

Leather is the only accoutrement they need and whole cows are often necessary to craft one.

And that pretty much sums it up.

I find myself attracted to .357s, Mostly because the first revo I played with was a S&W Model 13 owned by a thoughtful roommate who never had a problem loaning it to me whenever I had the urge to hear big bangs. Six would probably not consider the .357 as a big cartridge, but it is my blog and the Model 13 was my first wheelie mistress and you don’t forget those.

Also back then, I remember seeing Tennessee State Troopers wearing a S&W .357 and they looked mean, efficient and not to mess with. You simply did not screw around. If a TN Trooper got behind you and lighted you up, you pulled over, turned off your car, rolled down the windows and put your hands behind your head while praying that you did not end up eating pavement. Unlike their brethren in Georgia, Tennessee State Troopers did not pull you over for inconsequential crap like going 110 mph in a 55 mph, no sirree! If you were pulled over, you either made some really stupid shit or looked like the guy who just raped a bunch of nuns, stole the poor box of the local catholic church and you were 5 seconds away from meeting St. Peter and getting your heavenly or hellish marching orders.

Back to the Wheelguns. The first .44 magnum I shot was a Ruger Super Blackhawk owned by my ex-brother in law. As a good Southern Boy, he had the City Boy one afternoon playing with heavy recoil weapons which included a .50 cal muzzleloader and a shotgun chambered for 3″ shooting magnum loads. It was the standard case of “Let’s see if we can send him home with a busted nose just for fun.” That I was twice his weight and not recoil shy was a surprise for him and he was a bit miffed when I turned out to be more accurate…with his guns. I think I went through 100 rounds shooting at plastic gallon jugs 75 yards down range and hitting one in five. It was fun fun fun and loved the cartridge for the amount of damage it could inflict even at that distance.

What would I buy for Big Wheelie Bang? A Freedom Arms Casull .454 because it looks mean as a gang of drunk bikers but it looks refined as a Southern Belle… come to think about it, a Southern Belle can be refined as a queen and mean as a biker, but that is a matter between my wife and myself.

My second would be a BFR .44 Magnum “Shorty” Revolver.I am making the decision on looks only, I have no idea about the quality of the gun, but it sure looks impressive.

Big Magnum guns must NOT look like pansies and the “Shorty” looks all mean and business. Shooting this four incher at retention distances will not only take care of an attacker, but I’d guess it will set his clothing on fire too.

And yes, it is because a movie that I would choose the .475 Wildey. Besides I need to get something other than single action revolvers, right?

Plus, if you are going to deviate from the altar of big wheelies, you cannot do it with a Justin Bieber plastic gun. You need something that says portable artillery and look good as Charles Bronson while you are it.

And to return to the Wheelies and close the list, I have to go modern with the 500 S&W Alaskan, A.K.A The Hand Nuke.

I’ve shot exactly 3 rounds out of a 500 S&W. It was at a sanctioned IDPA match and the only smart thing I did that day was to shoot the Hand Nuke after I finished the match. As I said before, I am not recoil sensitive, but the 500 S&W made me go ouchie! and left me tingly both in muscles and feelings of “I Must Have”.  This revolver does not pack a punch, it packs the punch. Velocipartors tremble at the sight of this caliber and ship rather scuttle on their own rather than feel the consequences of this round. OK, so I am waxing it a bit too thick, but you get the idea.

And wondering away from the Wheelie path again, I must have the big brother of the 500 S&W Alaskan: The the Bighorn Armory 500 S&W Mag Lever Action Rifle.

Now all I need is to hit the PowerBall. Somehow the plain old Florida Lotto wouldn’t be enough.